Lessons in Humility
by Tazmy
Summary: McKay insults one villager too many. Drama, Adventure, Humor, Angst, Friendship, and Karma all in one. NEW ENDING!
1. The Rite of Venganza

**Lessons in Humility**

Summary: McKay insults one villager too many.

Type: GEN, angst, humor, drama, friendship

Spoilers: Up through The Tower

Disclaimer: I don't own Atlantis. It belongs to many entities, none of which are me.

Thanks to my betas DJ and Ang w for all the edits!

**Chapter 1: The Rite of Venganza**

The chieftain of Ehre was a squat balding man with the smile of a cheschire cat. He was proud of the look, having worked many decades to get his hobbled walk just right. As he approached the circle of his men surrounding four strangers, he did his best to make the smile larger and friendlier than ever before.

His grin weakened as he noticed the machines in their hands. The travelers that had come through the circle of sorrow carried deadly weapons. For a moment, he considered turning them away, but honor dictated that he welcome one and all to his precious village.

"I am Chief Ammenda of the tribe Ehre. Welcome, welcome to our land," his jolly voice bellowed.

"I am Colonel John Sheppard. This is my team Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex, and Dr. Rodney McKay."

The chieftain nodded to each in turn. "It is a pleasure to meet each of you." He motioned to the circle of uniformed men with large harpoons. The guards bowed low while creating a path for the new visitors. "Please, please come. If a man cannot offer food and shelter to strangers, he does not deserve such comfort to begin with."

"Do you receive many visitors then?" The woman's voice was soft and welcoming, a direct contrast to the vile object within her own hands. He examined her, seeing both peace and pain emanating from within her dark eyes.

"Many? From the hills and valleys, yes. From the ring of sorrow, I'm afraid to say that only terrible monsters have emerged. Until now of course." He offered a nervous bow of his head to the newcomers, but none of them shifted awkwardly or showed discomfort at the unfortunate comparison.

"The Wraith have plagued many worlds," the woman responded sadly.

The journey to Ehre took no more than a few minutes. He seized the opportunity to show off his beautiful land of green grass and perdon trees. He was proud of his guards that made no attempt to remove the travelers' weapons, even though he knew that it would make many of his men uneasy.

The man called McKay was busying himself with his strange contraptions, speaking in words that made little sense. The one known as Ronon was silent, walking cautiously behind the rest. The other two, however, had engaged in pleasantries bearing themselves with the deepest respect and honor. Though they spoke little of where they came from, the words "trade" and "allies" had not gone unnoticed.

They approached the royal tent with many on lookers trying to make out for themselves who these new visitors were. He had no time to assure his men that these folks gave off a good aura and that they seemed honest men, but he hoped he said it with his jolly smile and serene demeanor.

When in the confines of the silk hangings, one of his men quickly appeared with a hot bean drink. "Please, please, sit down," he offered, taking his own cup. "Let us enjoy the food and drinks of Ehre that you may know what we have to offer."

SGA

The negotiations were going better than anyone could have expected. The Ehrinians were a welcoming race with coffee beans that could rival the best Java back at home. Sheppard accepted his third cup of ecstasy that evening, while Teyla explained the various benefits that came with becoming new allies. Both Rodney and Ronon had gone to explore the town, searching for any anomalies that might prove the Ehrinians were less than sincere.

Having visited many planets where things started out well and quickly slipped to horrifying, Sheppard wasn't surprised to hear McKay's trembling voice call desperately from outside the tent. "Colonel! Teyla!"

P-90 at the ready, the team leader exited the tent with the chieftain close behind. "Rodney?"

A slim man with fiery eyes had a switchblade pointed directly at his chief scientist, who had in turn aimed his 9-millimeter at the villager. "What the hell is going on here?"

"I don't know. One minute we're sharing a civilized conversation and the next he's threatening to tear my heart straight out from my chest!"

"This man has insulted my honor! I merely invoke the rite of Venganza as is the foundation of all our society."

His P-90 carefully trained on the hostile, Sheppard silently cursed. Teyla's diplomatic voice called from somewhere nearby, "I am sorry if Dr. McKay has in anyway insulted you. I assure you that he meant no transgression."

McKay was sweating up a storm and Sheppard was glad to see that at least the scientists grip was steady. Maybe those extra trainings were starting to pay off. Now he just had to teach the man to keep his cool.

"That is enough, Genio." Ammenda's voice was loud and stern, silencing the voices from the curious crowd. "You have made your claim in the presence of many witnesses and the chief of Ehre shall take all into consideration. Please, relinquish your weapons and partake of my hospitality."

Two guards approached McKay from behind as two more appeared behind Genio. "Anyone want to tell me what is going on here?" As the villager handed his own blade to one of the guards, Sheppard re-aimed the P-90 to McKay's new shadows.

"I assure you your team member will not be harmed. You must order him to give up his weapon and join me for a light dinner."

"Only McKay right? The rest of us can continue..."

"We will make no attempt to disarm the rest of you. I assure you, Colonel, your subject shall be safe."

A quick gut check told Sheppard to believe the man, so he slowly lowered the gun, but he motioned for Teyla to keep hers level. "McKay, give me your firearm and go eat." He moved forward with an open hand, not willing to simply hand over the technology to their new allies. The two soldiers moved back in a silent agreement to the compromise.

"You can't be serious. I'm not about to go unarmed in the middle of a primitive civilization where God knows what can happen. You must think..."

"Now, McKay." There was no room for compromise in his voice, and the scientist motioned that he clearly understood that. He handed the gun over, though not without complaint, and eventually followed his aggressor into the nearby tent.

"If you wish to join us in the deliberations you may," the chieftain offered before himself disappearing behind the layers of fabric.

SGA

Dr. Rodney McKay wasn't sure what exactly had happened. He was in the habit of letting his mouth run and so he often said things that others didn't take kindly to. He remembered one villager that he had decided was primitive and adhering to stupid legends who had turned out to have valid concerns about earthquakes. He had probably offended the guy, but at least no knives got involved.

It was the light reflection off the blade that he first saw. His adrenaline pumping, it took him a moment to remember that he was not unarmed. He reached for his sidearm and turned to face off the man who was now spating some strange insanities.

"You are a dishonorable villain and I shall have your heart if you do not..." but whatever Rodney should do was cut off by his own scream for his fellow teammates.

Now he found himself sitting on a chair that was hard as a rock, well, actually was a rock, sipping some of the most heavenly coffee he had ever tasted. Sheppard entered behind the short jolly ruler of primitive town, and McKay was glad to know that he wasn't alone with a half-crazed sociopath and a man better fit to play Santa Claus than chieftain.

Ammenda took a seat on the nearest rock, examining the men before him. McKay watched as his eyes shifted from worry to determination and back to worry. For once the scientist knew to keep his mouth shut, even without the warning glance Sheppard had issued upon entry.

Pushing himself back to his feet, the ruler spoke in a deep, vexed voice. "It is your wish, my friend, that the rite of Venganza be invoked. Why do you call this upon our new visitors?"

"I did try to keep my tongue, your lordship. I said to myself that these are men from far off that deserve our goodness and patience. But the more that I have listened to this fiend carry on as though he looks down upon all of us and our ways... I do not wish that such men should be our trading partners, lord. If the rite of Venganza cannot be called, then we should have nothing to do with such a loathsome creature."

McKay looked on, unabashed by the man's words. Well, that wasn't true. Long ago such things would never phase him, but somewhere along the line he had begun his journey towards becoming a decent and good man. Loathsome? He was annoying, maybe, but loathsome? Ouch.

"Look," he defended, trying to keep all sarcasm within his own mind, "I didn't mean to insult you or your people. Don't you think your being just a tad judgmental and hot headed here?"

"Rodney!"

Silenced by his leader's voice, he took in a deep breath. An icy chill passed through his spine as he caught St. Nicholas's not so jolly eyes.

"You are a stranger to our land and yet you would say such harsh things about us? We have offered your people our best hospitality."

"Listen, Rodney is a bit untactful; I'll give you that. I assure you that we mean you no disrespect and we appreciate all that you've done for us."

"Of this, Colonel, I am aware. You do not bear the same dishonor as this man."

"Anyone that would associate with such a fiend bears his disgrace," spat the enraged villager.

"Only if the rite, which you have declared, is not accepted, Genio."

"What is this rite?" Sheppard took the nearest seat next to Rodney, a sign that he was willing to stick by his friend. Rodney offered him half a smile before turning his attention back on the village leader.

"The rite of Venganza is a tradition that dates back many centuries. We have always been a peaceful people, but there were times that our anger would get the best of us. Fights and feuds were started from men that could not control their tempers or their lust for vengeance."

The chieftain gulped down a bit of the java before continuing, "Such actions were a dishonor to our people and we sought to stop transgressions as they appeared. There was nothing that could make up for an insult or other forms of attack, but there were ways to placate the anger brought forth from such actions and to find redemption within the tattered soul. It was also our utmost concern that honor would be returned to both parties in order for them to rejoin with our society."

"But I'm not a part of your village. What does such a rite have to do with me?" He tried to keep the snideness out of his voice, he really did. A jab from Sheppard told him that he had failed.

"I assure you, I am getting there. You see, we are at heart a petty people. It used to be that if someone angered us, we might punch him. He would then punch back, a fight would be started, and then no amends would ever be made. It was decided that the only way to fix such a problem was to restore honor through humility and mutual responsibility. For if one cannot be humble than they have no honor."

"Yes, yes, all interesting I'm sure. Again, I'm not one of your villagers."

"But it is one of _ours_ that you have tainted with _your_ loose tongue. In order for him to regain _his_ honor, _you_ must take place in this ritual."

"I see. And if I refuse?"

"There are only two other options. One, you may fight to the death until the honorable one comes out victorious."

"Let's keep that one on the back burner shall we?"

"Or two, you must return back to your home knowing you have dishonored not only Genio, but all of your friends and relatives. You must return to the circle of sorrow and there shall be no trade among us."

"Well, let's see. Which option sounds good here," but before McKay could continue, Sheppard exclaimed suddenly:

"He'll do the rite."

Rodney turned with a menacing stare. "Excuse me. I'm pretty sure I get be the one to decide that, thank you very much."

"Take a whiff of the coffee aroma, McKay. You screw this trade up for us and I'll personally make your life a living hell."

"Right." Something in the physicist's stomach rumbled as he turned back to the Chieftain. The coffee called to him in a mystical voice drowning out his cynicism and fear. "So what exactly does this rite entail?"

"There are three major steps in retaining honor. First, you must pause and consider all of your transgressions. Second, you shall use humility to humble yourself before all at a great festival. Third, you must offer yourself to all those who believe you have insulted, attacked, or injured them in some way." Ammenda's smile receded to a thin line. When he spoke again, it was in a soft, peaceful voice.

"They shall come and confront you, laying their true feelings at your feet. They shall than touch you with the fruit of perdon whose mythical properties are said to cleanse even the darkest of auras. The touch shall not be gentle, and in this they shall have satisfaction just as if they had punched you. But no harm will come to you and all friction between you shall be ended with your willingness to accept responsibility."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

McKay rolled his eyes, tapping his fingers nervously against his leg. "Did you say the fruit was painful?"

"One must accept discomfort to regain his heart. Do you accept these terms?"

"This fruit. It doesn't have any citrus in it?"

The chieftain gave a quizzical stare, turning to Sheppard for an answer. "He's allergic. We will have to make sure our doctor clears the fruit first."

"Do what you must."

"Fine then. What the hell. I accept your terms." McKay gulped, his stomach looping in a few somersaults. _Just think of the coffee.._.

"Very well. Colonel, you should return to your home to begin preparations."

"Preparations?" It was Teyla's voice. Strange, he didn't remember her entering the tent. Had she been there the whole time?

"Yes, perhaps we were not clear. Everyone must partake in the event who feels that this man has in some way sullied their honor. This includes the people from your home. They must be invited to take part in the ceremony."

Okay, now he really did feel sick to the stomach. Sure, he said sorry when he really, truly screwed up. But to apologize to everyone who felt he had insulted them? He would be there all week! Hell, he'd be there all year!

"Ronon and I will stay with Dr. McKay," Teyla quickly responded, her P-90 still close at hand.

McKay glared, noticing the growing smiles on his teammates' face. Sheppard had a particularly mischevious one. "What?"

"Genio, please begin your own preparations," the chieftain commanded. Once the troubled man had left, Ammenda's countenance darkened although his smile remained

"I know that our ways are not your ways. I must respect Genio's rights and go forth with the ceremony or the pillars that hold down our civilization will be undermined and will eventually fall. I appreciate that you are willing to do this for us and I am sure we will have a wonderful trading relationship. However, I must offer a few words of caution."

Sheppard and McKay exchanged wary glances. The scientist's alarm bells started full fold within his mind. Was it too late to back down?

"Dr. McKay, I have heard you complain many times on our way to the village. Unknowingly, you have given great insult to many here in doing so. Our home may be humble but it is a place we treasure. Since you are to go through with this ritual it must appear that you know the wrong have you committed. You must show repentance."

"Where exactly are you going with this?" Sheppard demanded.

"From this point forward, until he has left our fair land, he must offer no man an insult. If anyone were to take offense and to let his offense be known, we would have no choice but to end the rite and cease all trade with your people. What's more is that he will have undermined the oldest of our traditions and would be criminally liable and imprisoned."

Coffee in hand, McKay barely kept himself from spilling it straight unto his lap. "Excuse me? I'm not about to spend time in one of your dirty jail cells..."

"Listen, I like a good cup of coffee as much as the next guy but I'm not going to risk my man's freedom over it."

"I'm afraid that this is no longer up for debate. Dr. McKay has agreed to the ritual and he must now partake in it. I cannot allow him to leave here without doing so."

"And I can't allow you to keep him here."

The scientist kept back as Sheppard and Teyla moved into defensive positions. Instinctively his own hand reached down to his empty holster. He knew it had been a bad idea to give up his sidearm.

"Come now," Ammanda placated, "This should be a joyous time. The festivals here are most glorious I assure you. Let us not fight over what might be and simply enjoy what is. If it comes to it, I will do my best to protect you. But for now, let us all avoid blood shed by sharing in this ritual. It is up to your McKay how things go from here. Surely he can hold his tongue for a few days?"

_Unlikely,_ thought McKay. Not complaining was one thing the scientist was _not_ good at.

"You should have mentioned this before." Teyla's voice was one of a leader. It was calm while at the same time berating.

"Yes, I agree that I should have been more forthcoming. But I assure you that I wish no war with your people. Please, allow things to play out as they must." The chieftain looked ready to explode from worry despite his cheery countenance. McKay was all for going home, even if they had to blast their way out, but he could tell that Sheppard's resolve was similar to Ammenda's.

"Alright, we'll play it your way, _for now_. But when it comes down to it, we will defend our people."

"Yes, yes. It should not come to that. Now, come. Enjoy some more of this delicious coffee. We have many beans to trade with our friends and many more delicacies."

Sheppard nodded, as Teyla followed the chief outside of the tent.

"Royally screwed about sum it up, Colonel?" McKay groaned once he was sure the two were left alone.

"Rodney, just keep your mouth shut and we'll get you through this. Remember, if you screw this up not only will you have started a battle, but all of Atlantis will know that you're the reason they don't enjoy the perfect cup of coffee each morning."

The scientist rested his head into the comfort of his arms. _Royally screwed,_ yeah, that definitely summed it all up.

END CHAPTER ONE


	2. Preparations

Special thanks to ang w for the beta!

This story started out as just humor, but the more I write it the more it turns into Action/Adventure/Humor/Angst. I hope you enjoy! Sorry it took so long, I had to make this as strong as possible.

**Thanks for all of your comments!**

**Chapter Two: Preparations**

Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard didn't like it when people messed with his men. Sure, he found humor in McKay's predicament as much as everyone on Atlantis would, and it was a long awaited comeuppance headed the scientist's way. But the fact was that his friend was now being held against his will in a situation that could only end badly.

The probability of McKay biting his tongue throughout the whole ritual? Well, McKay would probably say it amounted to epsilon approaching zero. In math speak, that is to say arbitrarily close to not a chance. Infinitesimal actually. Or as the brilliant physicist had put it; Rodney was _royally screwed_.

Rodney remained still with his head buried within his hands. He was mumbling something that Sheppard couldn't quite hear, but it sounded like every complaint that could possibly be made about the Ehre civilization. "Getting it out of your system?"

"Stupid question. Why am I surrounded by imbeciles? And these are the worst rocks I have ever had the misfortune to sit on. Could they have made them any more uncomfortable? It's as though someone said, 'let's make seats of the worst possible kind of rocks so everyone call leave here with a sore arse.' What's more..."

Offering a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, Sheppard made his way back to the exit. "We should go find Teyla and Ronon."

As he made his escape from McKay's constant mutterings, his mind filled with calculation after calculation on how things could go; what the best strategy would be; and how many perdons would be needed for the ritual. A grin crossed the team leaders face as he imagined his arrogant friend being pelted with fruit.

Sure, they were all in danger. But when weren't they? If he could walk out with McKay right now, he would; but it was best to plan these things carefully and wait for the right moment. Until then, what did it matter if he had a little fun at Rodney's expense? It wasn't everyday that the physicist was literally forbidden to insult, forced to apologize, and then attacked with fruit. After hearing the man jabber on mission after mission with complaint after complaint, of course the team leader was going to relish in every moment of the revenge. Everyone had to vent sometime.

But he still didn't like it when people messed with his own. The truth was that the sooner they could get Rodney out of the whole mess, the sooner Sheppard would be able to relax again.

"Ronon has much news to share with us," Teyla explained, flanking him from the right. Ronon came up on the left as Rodney remained a few paces behind.

"We should find a place to swap stories." Sheppard glanced toward the two guards that had just appeared in his far peripheral. They were large and burly with muskets in their hands as opposed to the harpoons they had seen earlier. He filed the new information away, wondering what other technology this race was hiding.

"This man is to come with us for the first stage of the ritual," a brusque voice demanded.

Putting on his best nonchalant face mixed with the _You don't want to mess with me_ tone, Sheppard responded, "Listen, we're going along with your tradition here, but first things first, I gotta talk to my guys."

"Is there a problem, Colonel?" called the jolly voice of the village chieftain. Ammenda was rubbing his large belly that had been covered in fine, crimson, silk robes.

"Look, I don't want to insult your hospitality or anything, but I don't appreciate armed guards flanking my men."

"Your subjects bring your firearms into our village and we have not complained. If we require some insurance that your McKay will remain here, you should respect our wishes as we have respected yours." There was a constant laugh to his voice, a certain jovial spirit that seemed honest and sincere. But he also had a stern air about him, the kind of air only the greatest of rulers ever achieved. This offered both comfort and worry to the military colonel that knew that such a voice carried wisdom and a firm resolve.

And indeed, there was wisdom in the chief's words as well. Without risking the loss of their own weapons, and in return a quick escalation into battle, Sheppard knew he would have to acquiesce.

"I would like to talk to my men in private before the ritual begins."

"Yes, yes, of course, Colonel. Remember, hospitality is what we do around here. Please, use my royal tent for your discourse."

"We would also appreciate," came Teyla's most diplomatic voice, "if we could have one of our men with McKay at all times during his stay here."

The chieftain's face noticeably fell, but his grin remained. After a short pause, he nodded and replied, "I will see what can be arranged. The first stage is to be a time of solace and contemplation. However, perhaps we could have your men stand guard along with ours, _outside_ of your subject's dwelling."

"We can talk about specifics later," Sheppard rushed, motioning McKay and the others back into the tent.

"Very well. Do not let me keep you any further. Also, please, do not forget to send word of the ritual to your own people. And before I forget, I do hope you will accept my invitation to the great feast tonight; it will be held in your honor, of course. I assure you that you have not lived until you have tasted the fine wine of the perdon."

Sheppard accepted as graciously as he could and then made his own way back through the cloth furnishings. Once in the confines of the tent, he took charge of the nearest rock and began the meeting.

"So what is this I hear about pelting McKay with fruit?" Ronon made his way back around the dinner table taking the time to stuff more of the Ehrinian delicacies in his mouth.

"We don't know that's what they mean yet, but I suspect it is a close enough approximation." Teyla had taken her spot near the cloth hangings, keeping a watchful eye towards the entrance.

"This should be entertaining." The runner was practically bouncing on his feet, a rare animation from the usually serious man. But they had seen him find humor and enjoyment before, so it wasn't completely out of character. Given the circumstances, well, Sheppard was having a hard time not letting the humor get to him as well.

"Let's just stick to finding a plan. What did you find out?"

"This city is larger than it appears." Ronon grabbed the nearest piece of fruit, proceeding to talk with a full mouth. "Large farms and crops spread out for miles to the east and west. There's also a large forest just to the south. The inner city has more permanent structures."

"That would explain the muskets. And where these people would be hiding a prison," Sheppard acknowledged.

"Yeah, best I can tell, their more advanced than this village would imply, but not a lot. The folks in the city aren't much in the way of talkers, but they mentioned that this place is mainly used for trading and spiritual journeys."

"So if we have to fight our way out, we should still be good?"

"Just say the word."

"My initial scans didn't pick up anything that would hint at a more technological society. Not that I'm willing to rule that out yet," McKay mumbled. Sheppard turned to him, hearing the tremors within the man's voice. "Have I mentioned how royally screwed I am?" the physicist added, looking from face to face for confirmation. His woeful countenance was almost comical.

"Only about a dozen times. Stop worrying so much."

"I see. And the reason we are still here is, what exactly?"

Rolling his eyes, the soldier leaned against his arm that had taken hold of the back of the rock. "I'd start getting in the habit of hiding that sarcasm, Rodney. In case you didn't noticed, it's your mouth that got you into this mess."

"Notice how you avoided answering my question? Let me answer for you. The only reason we are here is that you all are just jumping at the chance to have fun at my expense. Even if, I might add, I'm clapped in chains and imprisoned for the rest of my life."

"For crying out loud, Rodney! We're still here because I'd rather not have to shoot Jolly Old St. Nick if I don't have to." McKay shot a quick glance that said _Yeah, right_, prompting the team leader to continue. "If you make it through the ritual, we leave here with the best coffee ever enjoyed by man, not to mention a whole lot of good food. If you don't, we can bring in reinforcements and with a well-laid plan there won't have to be any bloodshed. There is no reason to act hasty here."

"This is all assuming, by the way, that I don't screw it up before the said cavalry arrives?"

He watched the way that McKay's hands fidgeted, first tapping his leg and then stuffing themselves in his pockets, and finally coming to rest on one of his scanners. He was one second short of losing himself in his work, and this time, Sheppard decided, that wasn't such a bad thing.

"You do your part and I'll do mine. Just trust me on this one."

"Trust you? Really? Like you trust me? Because last time I checked..."

Were they really having this conversation _now_? Sheppard stared down the scientist with the iciest glare he could muster. His mind raced to find some retort to the accusation.

Doranda had happened long ago and things had improved since then. There were still moments when he didn't trust McKay, that much was true. And there was no getting around the fact that this was one of those times. Keeping the scientist quiet? Well, that was no small feat. The physicist holding his ego at bay? Not happening. The only thing they had going for them was the man's deep sense of self-preservation and a love of java. It was something, but it wasn't enough for Sheppard to trust this to end well.

But he needed McKay to trust him.

"Alright. For now, I'm going to head back to Atlantis and check in with Elizabeth. We'll develop things on that end and I'll keep you informed. Teyla, I'm all for your plan of having Ronon and yourself stick around here. Take turns watching McKay's back and we'll arrange a round the clock schedule once I return for the feast. Until then," he turned to Rodney with a warning glare, "I am ordering you to keep your trap shut."

SGA

Dr. Rodney McKay didn't find his predicament funny. He knew that everyone back on Atlantis would be jumping at the chance to see him humbled. Why had he made himself so miserable and annoying to so many people back home? And why did it have to come and haunt him in the most absurd ceremony?

He wanted to curl up with his laptop and lose himself in calculations. He wanted to forget the humiliation waiting just around the corner. Still he knew John was right. Friends were hard to come by in the Pegasus Galaxy and if there was any possibility this trading relationship could be established, they had to give it a chance. His friends wouldn't abandon him to this backwoods planet if things went bad, right?

While Sheppard returned to Atlantis and Teyla went to explore the rest of Ehre, McKay was led by two ugly brutes to a nearby tent. Ronon followed beside the scientist, as usual offering little more than a word here or there for conversation. But it was his silent support that McKay appreciated, and it didn't hurt to have your own big brute for a teammate.

"This is where you shall cleanse your soul of all impurity and malice," replied a mysterious voice from within a small gray tent.

McKay coughed as a soft smell emanated from within the draperies. The deep scent of lilac passed through his lungs, constricting his breathing and lightening his head. "What is that?" he demanded, his nostril curling in disgust. He felt a painful blow to his right side and knew that the runner was trying to jab him into silence. "What? I was just wondering what that, um, lovely aroma was." Of all the smells in the world, they had to choose lilac? For the love of God...

"Come, we shall prepare you for the rite of Venganza," the voice croaked once again.

"Right," McKay groaned. Offering Ronon a pleading look to break him free here and now, he moved back the flap and entered the small room. If the last one was covered in dust, this place was buried in smoke. An elder woman sat cross-legged upon a ground composed of dirt and grass. Beside her, two young children of six or seven were busying themselves with a clay pot and two wooden spoons. He groaned at the sight of them. Someone had failed to mention that little brats would be taking part in the equation.

"Take a seat, my dear," the old woman commanded. Her pale, wide pupils fell upon Ronon who had not left Rodney's side. At first, McKay feared she would send him away, but after a brief pause she turned back to the scientist. She could have been straight out of a horror movie with those long twisted fingers and clammy skin that melted away from her bones.

He examined the rock opposite of her. It was covered in moss and probably some number of unidentified insects. Ronon's strong arm clapped on his shoulders.

"She asked you to sit down," came his brusque voice.

Shaking off every urge to complain and run away, the physicist took his place on the primitive seat. "Nice place you got here." _C'mon McKay, hold back the sarcasm for once. You can do this._

"I am Elder Alma of the tribe Ehre."

"Dr. Rodney McKay. Shall we do this then?" He was glad that she didn't reach his hand out to be shaken. Her scaly white hands were probably cold as ice and otherwise like a skeleton's.

"And what is it, Dr. Rodney McKay, that you seek?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You have agreed to the ancient ritual that has held together our fair civilization for many centuries. What do you seek in doing so?"

_Coffee? Good food?_ Somehow he doubted she'd accept that answer. "I'm not sure I understand. I wasn't exactly given much of a choice to be here. Something about armed guards, perhaps you didn't hear about that part?"

The two children had stopped mixing whatever was in the bowl, and looked up intently upon McKay with their wide innocent eyes. The girl wore a long pair of braids that feel down unto her shoulders. She leaned over to the boy, whose face looked like it hadn't been cleaned in days. She whispered something in the boy's ears, who in turn giggled. As though sure they had just done something wrong, both of the kids bit their lips and then turned back to staring at their new visitor.

"Everybody has a choice. You could have walked out of here, but you did not. That you cannot turn back from it now does not change that you had already decided. Now, I pose to you a question of deep consequence." She leaned forward, her pale lips forming a tight 'O' shape. Her breath blew the lilac scent straight into his face. The smoke tangled its way around his throat making each breath rough and troubled. Was that really necessary? Surely the woman could come up with some other form of dramatization? "Is this a meaningless ritual of which you shall go through the motions, or is there more within your blackened heart. What shall reawaken you? What do you seek?"

Blackened heart? Okay, so he wasn't the jolliest fellow in all of the universe, but he wasn't a terrible man either. "I'm sorry, I know I'm supposed to keep my mouth shut here, but just who are you to judge me like this? I happen to have many redeeming qualities, thank you very much."

_Please don't take that as an insult. Please don't take that as an insult._

"I see only what I see when I look within your pained eyes, Dr. Rodney McKay. You are good and honorable in many ways, but what haunts you may destroy you. What do you seek?"

He felt the sting of her words within his own stomach. Haunted. Yeah, many things haunted him, but what business was that of hers? "You want to know why I'm here? I have a home and a family that needs me to go through with this ceremony of yours. There is no other reason."

Alma smiled slightly, her chin falling unto the magenta robes that surrounded her. Her eyes closed and after a minute or two he could hear her light breathing turn into a few snores. "Oh, that's just great. Here I am about face imminent doom and she falls asleep."

"Maybe she's faking it so you'll shut up." Ronon exchangws quizzical glances with McKay.

"She is resting while we finish preparations," the braided girl replied. Her voice was cheerful in direct contrast to the old woman's dramatic mutterings.

The two kids lifted the clay plot that was nearly half their size and carried it next to the scientist. "Why did you insult our village?" the boy asked. He scooped his tiny hands into the pot covering it in a purple slime. The girl followed suit and then both reached to smudge the unknown liquid across McKay's face. It felt cold to the touch, sending a small chill down his spine.

"Because I'm a mean, old man," he replied, the sarcasm shinning through in his voice. "Must you do that?"

"I hear if you offend anyone that you'll be thrown into prison. Only people from the city ever go there. You have to do something real awful," the girl exclaimed.

"Like being a mean, old man? Because I think we just established that I fit that criteria." Since when was that such a crime?

"You shouldn't be mean. Arrogance and cruelty will only bring you pain and suffering. That's what my momma says." This time it was the girl who spoke. She shook the slime off her hands sending it flying in all directions. It splat unto the draperies, the grass, and all over his uniform.

"Yes, well didn't your mother ever tell you not talk to strangers?" _Go away. Please, just go away and leave me alone. _Why did kids have to be so messy and loud?

"One should always welcome strangers with kindness. Only the monsters from the circle of sorrow are to be feared," the boy replied.

"She did warn us to be careful with you, though," the girl interjected.

"Oh she did, did she?"

"Nothing good ever came out of the circle of sorrow. How do we know you are not with the monsters, here to destroy all that we are?"

"Celia!" The boy shot her an icy stare.

The girl immediately bit her lips, her eyes wide with fear. She fell into an exaggerated bow. "Not that I believe you are," she continued quickly. "I assure you that I meant no insult I hope that..."

McKay raised his chin in the air, happy to come out on top in at least one conversation. "Yes, well, just don't let it happen again."

Celia returned to her joyous smile.

"Our festivals are the best. We get all the greatest food in all of the lands north or south or east or even west of here! It's so good!"

"Not that you'll get to eat it." The boy was now shaking off his own hands, purposely getting as much of the slime on Celia as possible. "People in the ritual only get to eat the holy bread of _Oh my god this stuff tastes terrible_. I can't keep any of it down." The two children laughed in unison.

"Is that right?" Annoyed, McKay turned to the runner, who was taking in the whole situation with a great deal of humor.

"Don't look in a mirror. Trust me."

"You do look funny. I suspect we used too much lengetta," Celia remarked, her face turning beat red from laughter.

"Yes, yes, let's all mock McKay. What the hell, we can make a universal holiday out of it."

"Careful, McKay."

"You should listen to him," the girl continued still giggling, "prison isn't fun and my daddy won't like it if you don't treat us with the utmost respect."

_Just stay quiet. Quiet is good. No need to respond. 1, 2, 3..._

His laughing fit now under control, the boy looked to the scientist with the face of a kid in Willy Wonka's factory. "I bet there will be custard tonight. Their my favorite food," he exclaimed.

Rolling his eyes, and trying to ignore the pounding headache that had been stewing in his brain for the last few hours, McKay took in a few deep breaths and tried once again counting to ten. "I'm sure they're wonderful. But as you already pointed out, I won't be having any so I wouldn't know." Children. They should be shot. Every last one of them.

He wasn't sure how long he had been stuck with the tactless kids before a booming voice called from outside the tent. "Everything is going well, I trust."

Santa Claus entered the tent, pushing the smoke away with a few waves of his hand. The children looked up at him as though sure there were presents hidden somewhere nearby.

"I do hope the children did not bother you too much. It is essential to have pure souls prepare you for the ritual." The chief's stare locked unto McKay's face. His jaw dropped, his eyebrow raised, and then fell back into their normal positions without comment.

"Bother me? Why would some kids bother me?" _Just stay calm, you can do this. Grit your teeth. There that helps. Just keep doing that._

"The rite will begin shortly. Your dinner shall be brought to you later on tonight," Too bad he was hungry now. "Your friends must then leave to stand guard outside the tent. Thank you once again for participating in our custom."

"Not like I had a choice, right?"

"No, yes, I don't know. Please, do be careful with your words. Now I must be off. Nothing like a party to keep the spirits high."

McKay offered a pathetic wave as Ammenda and the children made their exit. He had never before believed in cosmic forces riling their strength to bring balance to the universe. But he couldn't help but think that if Karma was real, it was having far too much fun at his expense.

END CHAPTER TWO


	3. Festivities

**Thanks to Ang W for the beta! I hope you all enjoy. **

**Chapter Three: Festivities  
**

The first thing Elizabeth noticed as she exited the wormhole was the breathtaking, purple horizon. It spread out endlessly above a dense forest filled with hues of blue and green. "It's amazing."

"You should have seen Chieftain Ammenda showing the place off. He's definitely proud of the place."

"And with good reason. I don't think I've seen a lovelier sight." The awe in Carson's voice closely reflected her own.

John Sheppard took the lead, following a path straight into the depths of the dense trees and foliage. Following close behind, expedition leader and doctor continued to admire their surroundings. Covering their sixes, two marines also appeared overtaken by the amazing sites.

"The village isn't too far away. We're running a little late so Major Lorne and his team should have taken up their positions by now."

Weir nodded, an outward sign that she was listening and understood what her second-in-command was saying. Still, her mind was lost in the thick branches of the trees before her. Each twig was covered in a purple, circular object that was no bigger than her fist. She reached up, yanking one of the fruits off the tree and into her hands. The soft outer shell seemed to melt directly into its juicy interior, crushed beneath the weight of her light fingers.

"And you're sure that Rodney won't have any reaction to these, Carson?"

"Shouldn't be a problem, but it's hard to say. These babies might not have citrus in them, but one never knows what else any of us may react to. That's why epinephrine pens are standard in all our first aid kits."

"I have to say, I'm still a little wary about this whole idea. John, you're sure that Rodney agreed to this whole ritual thing? That he's not in danger?"

"You know McKay, he thinks with his stomach and lives on caffeine. We may have supplies from the Daedalus, but their coffee is sub par at best. Anyways, he wasn't given much of a choice and I promised him that we'd make sure he was safe."

"Just as long as you're sure you can keep that promise." She kept her voice level and firm.

When Sheppard had arrived on Atlantis early and without the rest of his team, she had immediately assumed something bad had happened. When he finally finished explaining about McKay's latest blunder and the repercussions demanded upon by the Ehrinian people, she was hesitant to comply. In the end, it was not John's insistence that heavenly coffee was worth the price, but rather his pragmatism in trying to avoid a fire fight that had won her acceptance.

More to the point, Elizabeth was also a skilled politician. She knew there were many unspoken laws that came with gate travel and one of those was to respect the cultures of those around you. If McKay had transgressed against these people, and their punishment was not extreme, Atlantis had to play along. To not do so would undermine everything that she hoped the expedition stood for.

A series of tarps came to view just beyond a field of orange and white crops. A short man with a jubilant smile greeted them with an exaggerated bow and a booming voice. "Welcome. Welcome. I am so glad that you have chosen to take part in our celebration this evening."

"Chieftain Ammenda, this is Dr. Elizabeth Weir, leader of our people. Elizabeth, Ammenda of tribe Ehre."

"It is a pleasure, my dear."

"Thank you for the invitation. You have a beautiful land here."

"Yes, yes. We work very hard and are blessed abundantly. I am honored that it pleases you. Come, enjoy the food and music that has been prepared in your honor."

A few steps away, four instrumentalists strummed away on their own unique mediums. Their sound was somewhere between Celtic and mountain music, a blend that was surprisingly pleasing to the ears while at the same time truly alien in nature. Around the band members, a number of children and adults swayed in circles to the music. Each was covered in a crimson paint that had been spread across their faces.

A little further down, a feast had been set upon a number of blankets. The Ehrinians had truly gone out of their way to provide an abundance of animal meat, vegetables, wines, and the purple fruit she had examined earlier. It was one of those perks that came with schmoozing, enjoying fine delicacies that had been created with the intent to impress.

But even as the display tempted her forward into the swing of the festivities, her leadership mind held her back. "I was hoping I might see Dr. McKay before the ritual begins."

"Unfortunately, the rite started just moments ago. No one may see him but his guide until tomorrow morning."

"How do we know that he's alright?" It was Sheppard that interjected, holding his place by her. She noticed how close he held his weapon to his side. Clearly, he wasn't as nonchalant about all of this as he appeared.

"Your man, Ronon I believe, has kept a diligent eye on him. I do not think we could get anything past him even if we tried. Come now, enjoy the festivities. My people have gone to a lot of trouble and all in the name of friendship."

She glanced around, finding the small encampment where the tall runner stood guard. It _would_ take a lot to get something past the man. Her eyes moved across the grounds to the various places where Major Lorne had placed his men. Some were armed with P-90s and the rest with stunners.

It was surprising that the Ehrinians had allowed them so many guns within the village, but she wasn't going to complain. From Sheppard's reports, and their reactions toward Rodney's complaints, these people prided themselves on hospitality and honor. Besides, she noticed that Ammenda had placed just as many of his own guards along the borders. Each carried a musket as insurance that the ritual would be adhered to.

After a few minutes of introductions and settling, Elizabeth had made herself a plate and found a seat upon a nearby rock.

"You must also try the wine, my dear."

Not wanting to appear rude, she grabbed the glass from Ammenda's hand and took a tentative slip. The taste was bold but refreshing, a carnival within her own mouth.

"The Perdon fruit offers many enrichments to our culture. The wine is one I am particularly enamored with."

She took another sip, making a note to ask Carson just how alcoholic the drink was. Fruit had a tendency to mask that type of thing and the last problem she needed was to get drunk while some of her team was in danger. "We shall have to add it to our trade negotiations."

"The fruit," the chieftain continued, his face lit by the bright moons to either side of him, "is said to cleanse the soul and enrich the mind. It bears significance in our ritual because while we take out whatever grudge we may bear against another, we do so with the knowledge that all will be made well."

"So how does that third part of the ritual work. Do you throw the Perdon or what?" Sheppard had grabbed his own seat on a nearby rock. His plate was filled to the brim with meat, a spare veggie or two strummed across the side.

"To put it lightly, yes. Come now, have you never wanted to hit someone? Is not pelting fruit at him a far less dangerous and equally rewarding vent?"

"I am curious, Chieftain. Where's the man who insisted on the ritual?"

"Ah, Genio. He has his own tent. The rite is for both of them. If you wish to mark your own frustrations at his actions, you will have your own chance to do so. Speaking of which, I assume this is not all of your people that shall take place in the ritual tomorrow?"

Elizabeth coughed lightly, catching Sheppard's glance. Between Lorne's men and Sheppard's team, it was hoped that many more people would not have to get involved. Carson and herself had attended only to make sure medical and political disasters were averted before anything got too out of hand. And perhaps because both of them weren't about to be left behind and miss the opportunity to see Rodney humbled.

Still, she worried. Annoying though he could be, the scientist was one of her better friends. She knew him well enough to know just how much this ritual would be a torture to him. It made her ashamed to take joy in the festivities. And yet, she didn't doubt that a little humility would go a long way in the scientists journey in becoming a better man.

"Come now, surely you don't expect me to believe that these are all the people with a grudge against Dr. McKay?"

"No," she spoke slowly, letting the diplomatic response form within her brain first. "There are a few more that will be joining us tomorrow. In reality, we are a very small colony."

"I see. Just as long as everyone is given the chance."

Elizabeth nodded, her own mind filling with names of people who would jump at the opportunity to go and take part in the ceremony. She would have to go through the names and handpick a few the moment she got back. Zelenka, Cadman, and maybe twelve or so others should be good enough.

"Has anyone prepared a plate for Dr. McKay?" Teyla had found her way to the growing circle of festival goers. She had a glass of the Perdon wine firmly tucked between her fingers. Beneath her lips, she hummed along with the jubilant music.

"I am afraid that the ritual does not allow for him to indulge himself. He has been given a more suiting substance for his position."

"Is that right?"

"Indeed. Unleavened bread and water remind a man that pleasures in life are blessings not to be taken for granted."

"Really?" Sheppard raised his own glass, taking a small swig from the goblet. His back was turned to hers, and he raised a piece of a chicken-like leg into the air before tearing into it. She turned to see a disgusted McKay whose head was barely visible through his tent's entrance. He glared at Sheppard as if to say _Just you wait_, but one of the Ehrinian's was already ordering him back within the dwelling.

"This is just too easy," Sheppard laughed, taking another sip of the drink.

"That's a fine wine you got there." Carson took the seat between Teyla and Sheppard. "I'd say it's at least 40 proof if not more."

"A great wine for a great festival." Ammenda dropped the rest of his contents into his mouth, unaware of the silent warning the Atlantis doctor had just given the others. Weir noticed that Sheppard's cheeks were already turning pink, and she was sure he hadn't consumed that much yet. At least Major Lorne's men were still fully aware of themselves.

She moved to place the drink beside her, but Ammenda's cheery voice called out, "Drink, drink. I shall find it a personal insult if you do not enjoy such pleasures."

SGA

Dr. Rodney McKay tried not to focus on the laughs and music booming from outside his tent. He held his legs against his chest, staring at the elderly woman who was still snoring softly before him. Just moments before, a man had brought in a small plate of bread with a goblet of water, which McKay had looked upon with utmost disgust.

"This is it?" He immediately knew his mistake when the skinny man shot him a menacing glare.

"This is substance. Don't knock it."

"Clearly you people have never heard of hypoglycemia? I suppose you want me awake for the ritual, because one piece of bread isn't going to cut it."

"I suggest you learn silence if you wish to make it through this. That is the last warning you will receive from me."

Pouting, McKay watched as his guard exited the primitive dwelling. At least the Ehrinians had made no attempt to remove his pack. He reached into the sack, pulling out his favorite flavored power bar.

"Tut, tut, tut." The croacking voice could only have come from one place, and McKay turned to see Alma's pale pupils locked unto his. "You must partake only of the unleavened bread this night."

"Oh really?" _Damn, _it was hard keeping the snark out of his voice. He was trying, really he was. "And you would still be here because? I thought this was supposed to be a solace, contemplation thing."

"I am your guide on this journey. And now I have answered your question while you have still not truly answered mine."

Alma was on her feet and at his side before he had even noticed her move. For an elder lady she had the reflexes of a young woman. Her shaking, cold hands, grabbed unto his, forcing the power bar out from beneath his fingers. She didn't have to use a lot of strength, as he was still in shock from her sudden movement.

"What is it that you seek?"

"I thought we already went there. I don't seek anything."

With a dark scowl across his brow, he picked up the bread and tentatively placed it in his mouth. Immediately the contents landed spit-laden back on the plate. "Oh, god, that is just disgusting." The Ehrinian boy really hadn't been kidding.

"You should be happy for the pleasures you have. You tread dangerously close to insult, Dr. Rodney McKay."

He didn't reply and she didn't try speaking again.

He sat there, just staring at the cloth walls and the beaten ground. Solace and contemplation was far overrated. The joyous sounds carried through the dwelling, burning at his heart. He should be out there.

The entrance flap moved slightly against the wind, catching the physicists attention. He poked his head out to see what all the noise was about. Celia and the boy, whatever his name was, were dancing by the band. They were giggling when they caught sight of him. Celia waved and then ran off to some unknown destination.

Turning his attention towards the right, he caught sight of the tarps laid out with the most delicious looking food he had ever seen. It was truly a great banquet being held for the Atlanteans, and he was stuck in this awful, pathetic excuse for a house.

His stomach grumbled as it envied the full plates enjoyed by each of his friends. Sheppard turned, immediately noticing his teammate. His expression was a question, and McKay was glad to see it was one of concern. McKay gave a half-hearted thumbs up to show he was okay, but a pleading look for the others to just get him out of there.

Then, something must have caught the soldier's attention, because a mischievous smile crossed Sheppard's face. He sipped something from a goblet, then meeting McKay's eyes head on, he lifted up a large meat leg and then took a large bite. _Oh that is just... That's just great. This is not funny!_

He mustered an icy stare before an Ehrinian guard demanded he return into his tent or forfeit his freedom. Reluctantly McKay turned away from the joyous music and back to his dirty dwelling.

"Is it the hunger that bothers you, Dr. Rodney McKay? Or is it something more?"

Alma had returned to her original place, her legs once again crossed. She gazed upon him with her wrinkly but wise countenance, as though she could peer through his facade and straight into his soul. It was the way Elizabeth sometimes looked at him. The way she had looked at him back during Arcturus.

"I'm hungry. There's no big mystery there."

"Hungry? Why must you have so many physical comforts? Do they make you happy? Or is it that your friends are experiencing them? Does that make you angry? Or perhaps, it is that they are experiencing such joy _without_ you?"

"Will you please stop trying to make something more out of this than there is. I'm being served water and bread for dinner; I have some crazed woman that looks like she belongs in a B-rated horror movie trying to pretend she knows exactly what makes me tick ; and apparently my freedom is on the line here. So excuse me if I'm not having the best day!"

"Your mouth is still moving. Do you wish to go to prison?" She grinned knowingly, rekindling the fire that spread incense throughout the room. His lungs had just finally recovered from the last smoke out.

"Oh, please, don't do that." It came out for more whiny than he would have liked.

Again she blew the essence right into his face, causing him to break into a fit of coughs. "Order, order, order. Everything has to work a certain way for you, doesn't it? But in the universe, there is no such thing as perfect order."

"I see, and you would know this about me for all of the what, five hours you have known me. Four of which you were asleep during by the way."

"A guide need not know a man to know what is within his mind."

His eyes stung from the assailing smoke that consumed every inch of the tent. He coughed again, desperately trying to get his breathing back under control. Even as he fell to the ground he realized that there was something new to the scent of lilac, something that hadn't been there before. His face burned and his throat swelled as the room around him started to fade. His last coherent thought was a panicked one, filled with the knowledge that he had just been drugged.

END CHAPTER THREE


	4. Order and Disorder

Special thanks to ang w for the beta.

**Thanks again for all the reviews**! It fills me with joy to see so many of you enjoying the tale. I hope this fits your expectations.

**Chapter Four: Order and Disorder**

_The bright moons lit his path as he made his way down a rocky hillside. He paused once or twice, trying to focus on the dark hues of blue and purple that surrounded him. There was a certain familiarity to the landscape, but Rodney was sure that he had never been here before._

The warmth that soared through Sheppard's cheeks was not from the temperate air of the Ehrinian home world. He hadn't even had a full glass of that Perdon wine and was disturbed that a soft-buzzed filling was already taking hold. He wasn't a light weight so he could only imagine how Elizabeth's body would react to the savory drink and Chief Ammenda's insistence on them drinking more wasn't helping.

"As a leader yourself, I'm sure you understand that I must refrain." She spoke with a politician's voice, a talent that had saved them on more than a few occasions.

Sheppard turned to watch Ammenda's reaction and was pleased to see that he was still smiling. Apparently the whole insult thing had been his idea of a joke. _Funny. _The thought was sarcastic but he laughed with the jolly fellow anyways.

"Of course, of course. Forgive me, I think the fruit is just going to my head."

It was then that the Ronon's panicked call was heard, snapping the soldier into sobriety. "Sheppard!"

He was on his feet in seconds, his mind quickly surveying the situation. A small crowd had gathered around McKay's tent, blocking the view to any hints of what situation had arose. His P-90 at the ready, he raced toward the newly formed gathering.

The masses of people opened a path as he pushed by with Beckett, Teyla, and Weir in tow.

_Trees always looked black at night. As a child, the strange shapes created by these dark figures had aways sent a chill down his spine. Tonight, there was only one tree towering in the darkness. He had followed the windy trail for half a mile now, but had passed this same landmark on three different occasions. He knew it was the same tree as its foreboding branches twisted and turned in a unique frame. Its continuous presence defied logic and that frustrated him above all else. Still, he continued his trek across the hillside._

"Bloody hell." Carson was by McKay's side within minutes, assessing the situation and providing treatment. The physicist had apparently collapsed into a heap upon the soil. His face was beet red and a number of hives had appeared on his face. The purple flushed lips were what scared Sheppard the most. "We need to get him back to Atlantis, ASAP."

"No! He must carry out the rest of the ceremony." An elderly woman with cold, white eyes, had grabbed the physicians fist, where the used epinephrine pen was tightly held.

"Colonel, we have to get him back now. This is more than just an allergic reaction. I think he's been drugged and god knows with what."

"Let go of him." Sheppard aimed his P-90 directly at the elder. "Teyla, alert Lorne's men that we are leaving and that we need a clear path to the gate. Make sure our _city_ is aware of the situation."

Teyla took off with superhuman speed, and the Colonel once again forced his attention on the granny. "I said let go."

The woman hesitated at first, but eventually her elongated fingers released Beckett's wrist. She spoke with a stubborn, ominous voice. "You have aided him all that you can. Leave him. Only _I_ can assist Dr. Rodney McKay now."

The sound of footsteps and the sudden movements within his peripheral, alerted the soldier to the arrival of several armed guards and a grave looking Ammenda. "We cannot allow you to take him from here."

_Damn. This was _not _the way things were supposed to go down._ Sheppard watched as Ronon moved to retrieve McKay's unconscious body, ready to carry the man as soon as Beckett gave the order. The physician, meanwhile was working furiously with what equipment was available. At least Rodney's lips were starting to look pink again.

"This man has just had a severe allergic reaction and who knows what else. We have to get him to a medical facility."

_He felt neither cold nor hungry, sore nor tired. He was unsure how long he had been moving, but it was as though forever was passing beneath his fingertips. He searched every ounce of his brain for answers on where he was, and how he came to be there, but no clarification came. Everything was so cloudy, it was hard to concentrate._

Carson's words echoed softly within the colonel's head. Focused on the situation at hand, the team leader mustered his most menacing voice. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not laughing anymore. We're getting him out of here even if I have to kill every last one of you to do so."

For emphasis, he turned and pointed the barrel of his weapon straight at St. Nick's head. The man wasn't smiling now, but that look of unyielding determination still remained.

_The familiar landmark once again passed before him, and faint music emanated from its bark. It was a lovely tune that McKay hadn't heard in ages. He took his rest beneath the tree, allowing the music to lull him asleep._

"Let us pass and no one has to get hurt." Elizabeth's words may have been placating, but her countenance was filled with fury. Sheppard could only see her from the corner of his eye, but he knew that face by heart. It was the one she reserved for the most dire of situations, and it rivaled any stare Ammenda could throw at her.

Behind him, he could hear Carson muttering a medical command or two under his breath. There were mentions about samples, shallow breathing, and weak pulses.

All the while Sheppard's heart pounded as his thoughts raced. Time was of the essence and the squat man had yet to move out of their way.

"You misunderstand me, please, listen for just one moment," the chief pleaded.

"We don't have time for this."

Ammenda didn't budge, though his countenance betrayed his terror. However, his fearful eyes were not fixed on Sheppard. His stare was directly on McKay's still form. "If you remove him from here, than you will be the one to have killed him!"

_The stars twinkled in beat to the notes. He was unnerved by the tree's choice in music, but he could not stop himself from being overcome by each stanza. It was the last song he had ever played. He hadn't practiced it very much because he never needed to. The piano was like a machine and he knew it well enough to know what key would make what sound. There was order in music._

"Perhaps I haven't been clear, move now or I _will_ shoot you."

"Please, you must listen to me! If you move McKay from this location he will never awaken. He must not be separated from his guide."

"What are you going on about?" Carson had made his own way forward, Ronon by his side with Rodney draped across both of his arms.

Sheppard allowed himself a moments breath, taking in all the information at once. If Beckett was willing to hear the Chieftain out that meant Rodney still had a few minutes. He caught a glance from the Scott that confirmed his suspicions, but also gave a warning that little time remained.

_He was so proud of himself when he went to play her the piece. But his teacher hadn't been impressed. For all the mathematics and mechanics apparent within the tempos and sounds, he couldn't make an art of music._

"Alma," the elderly woman moved forward, taking her own position next to the Ehrinian leader, "his guide, is now connected to your subject's mind. If that connection is disrupted, they will both be dead in a matter of hours."

Sheppard continued to point his weapon. Part of him wanted to just kill the man and anyone else that stood in their way, to just run off with McKay and get him to safety. But another part of him was in favor of heeding the chieftain's warning. What if they fought their way out only to have the scientist die from their own haste? He would never be able to live with himself.

"Why should we trust you now? You purposely left out key details about this whole ritual." Elizabeth had taken up the negotiations again. It was comforting, actually, and he was glad that they had had the foresight to bring her along.

"We have no reason to lie to you. Forgive me for leaving out some of the finer points, I did not realize any harm would come of it. There was no way to know he would have such a strange reaction to the incense."

"That was more than just incense, lad. You purposely drugged him."

"It is necessary for the two minds to bond. We meant no malice nor harm."

_He had learned to hate and love this song. When it came on the radio, his first instinct would be to turn it off. His second instinct would be to stop and listen, losing himself in the solace and sorrow within the notes. From order to disorder, the music spoke of it all. It reminded him of everything he had lost, of everything he never had._

"And again," Sheppard broke in, "we don't have time for this. All I care about right now is getting my _friend_ to safety."

"You said that the problem is more with Alma's connection and not the land itself?" Elizabeth had stepped aside to make way for the new personnel. She continued to stare down the chieftain, worry etched across all of her features.

"That is correct."

"Then I have no choice but to have the two of you come with us."

A burst of new noises sounded from beyond the tent as more medical personnel found their way to the scene. Teyla must have thought it prudent to send for more security and medics in case they couldn't arrive to the gate on time. Ronon moved McKay unto a stretcher as the musketeer guards continued to point their weapons at the onslaught of people.

Sheppard's attention remained focused on the two Ehrinians before him. "You heard her. Move."

Ammenda looked ready to fight, but he examined all the armed men with the fear and responsibility of leadership. His burden was clear. In the end, the chieftain lowered his head and nodded in agreement.

_The tree had long since stopped its mysterious orchestra when a figure was seen in the corner of McKay's eye. He turned to see an elderly woman hobbling down the path, a long cane entrenched in her left hand. As she drew closer, he could see that her face was covered in massive wrinkles and her eyes were as fogged glass. _

END CHAPTER THREE


	5. Visions

**Thanks again to ang w for the wonderful beta and encouragement!**

**Also, thank you so much for all of the reviews! They make writing that much more special. Reviews fill my heart with joy!**

**Chapter Five: Visions**

_If we shadows have offended,_

_Think but this, and all is mended -_

_That you did but slumber here,_

_While these visions did appear._

_And this weak and idle theme,_

_No more wielding than a dream._

_From A Mid Summer Night's Dream by Shakespeare_

Nothing could have prepared Ammenda for the vision that currently lay before him. Having stepped through the ring of sorrow, he was now surrounded by the strangest dwelling known to any Ehrinian. His eyes glimmered with the wonder of a child as he surveyed the magical objects that lit their paths without the use of flame. He admired the towering ceilings and the strange walls. It was as though he had stepped into some grand castle out of a distant legend.

He was also keenly aware that his presence had been met with an onslaught of weapons, all pointed directly at him and his elder. Beside him, the one called Beckett was racing to save McKay's life with equipment beyond any of the chieftain's understandings. They had lifted him unto a strange wheeled bed, surrounding his body with all kinds of awkward cords.

"I need two marines to escort our _visitors_ to the infirmary." Dr. Elizabeth Weir was clearly a strong leader of her people. She issued the orders without so much as a tremor in her voice, although it was clear that she was terrified within. She was a chief that he could respect.

Shuffled along with the rest of the chaos, Ammenda put a comforting grip on Alma's shoulder before following the armed men away from the great room. Even as he passed through their strange land, he could feel his sacred home weighing upon his soul. What if these people never allowed him to return? Although they seemed honorable, there were some incidents that went beyond mending.

"One wonders why they ever needed to trade with us." Alma cast him a wary glance and he mustered back a small smile.

"A man may have many riches but without friendship he is nothing. Perhaps they were more interested in our kind spirits than the refreshing bean drink?"

"You feel we have wronged them?"

"I do not know what to believe. Come now, old friend, you should concentrate on the spirit world, and I shall keep us safe in the corporeal one."

"Are you sure that this is no less than a vision?"

Even among the strangers, Alma kept a mischievous air. The chieftain's grin grew as each step revealed a new level to the stranger's homeland. "My dear sage, if I were to wake and not find that this had all been a dream, I would surely not believe it."

"Your youth still shines bright within you, lord. Not all is lost yet."

Ammenda thoughts raced forward to the soldiers leading them into the bowels of Weir's domain. He gazed upon the woman, empathizing with her hidden pain. "Your Beckett seems a capable fellow. I'm sure that your man will be made well in his care."

"For your sake, Chieftain, he better be."

"My hesitancy to explain everything to your people has done nothing but bring dishonor to mine and pain to yours. I cannot repair what has been done, but know that my heart goes out to you, your people, and to Dr. McKay. I do not know what else I can say."

The fury had yet to leave her countenance. He did not quiver at her icy gaze, but he did feel it roll down his spine. "If you will excuse me, Chief. I think it best if we have this conversation later."

She raced ahead of him, catching up with the traveling bed. Moments later they had arrived in a large room filled with many more mattresses and people in white coats. McKay's teammates had gathered together, watching with fearful eyes as the men in white scurried around their friend.

He also noticed how Sheppard's fists flexed at the sight of Alma and himself. Ronon had mustered a menacing stare, and Ammenda knew that the man would not hesitate to kill both of them when given the chance. Still, the chief's trust in Alma was strong and he knew that she could lead McKay back home. What worried him was whether or not his body would survive having already gone through such a harsh ordeal.

SGA

He did not move from beneath the tree as the lone figure arrived at his side. Rodney's head was bent down into his lap as he did not wish to examine her any further. Her eyes alone had been creepy enough, but the way her skin seemed to melt off her bones reminded him of something deep within his brain. There was more he was supposed to remember, maybe something to do with her. He longed for clarity and understanding, but each thought just brought him a new riddle.

"Trees are not musical instruments." He mumbled the words just loud enough for his visitor to hear.

"No, but they can be fashioned into one."

"Yes, but they are not naturally so." The frustration was building within his brain, accented by the tingling of a headache that wasn't actually there. "For that matter, landmarks normally stay still and windy paths take you from one place to another. That is the law of physics on _any_ planet." He was now back on his feet, accenting his words with his hands in the animated style that was uniquely him. "This place is not real, is it?"

"Define real."

"As in _truth_, as in what actually _exists_. I'm not here, am I? Something must have happened. An accident maybe. That's right. I must have gotten hurt on some mission."

"Do you feel any pain?"

"Only that I _should _feel it, not that I can. For that matter, I don't feel hungry and let me tell you, that is _never_ the case!"

"You are afraid?"

"I'm sorry?"

Try as he might to avoid those white pupils, she peered into his own eyes. "You are afraid."

"Afraid? When am I not? I live in a galaxy where _I _am the food source. I'm in charge of all the scientists and if we mess up, everyone could die. What does that fear compare to anything here?"

"But you are afraid?"

"None of this makes any sense!"

"And that frightens you."

He pushed himself away from her stare, coming to lean against the tree. "I'm supposed to know you, aren't I?"

"We have met."

"You're really creepy, you know that. You fit right in with this whole messed up landscape. Ten to one says you're a figment of my imagination just like the rest of this."

"Would that make you feel better?"

"What is this, are you analyzing me?"

"I'm just asking questions. No harm in that, is there?"

"This is ridiculous!"

He began pacing, his mind racing back and forth from the old woman to the dark tree. It reminded him of a play he had read long ago. "I'm not hungry, not in pain, and I can't think clearly. I can't remember yesterday, but I suspect I may still have been here. Of course! I was right wasn't I? I was injured on a mission?"

"It is possible."

He waved his finger in the air as he always did when his brain finally latched onto the right idea. His smile brightened. The speed of his words increased exponentially, trying to keep up with his fast paced mind.

"That's it. I must be back on Atlantis. Unless they can't get to me. Oh God, what if I'm dying out there. No, no, no, they would find me. Sheppard wouldn't leave me behind. So whether I'm here or there, they'll find me and bring me home. Carson will patch me up and I can chalk this whole place up to some terrible dream. That must be it!"

He moved back to the tree, slouching down against its bark. He was vaguely aware of the sage-like stranger gazing upon him with curious eyes.

"And what is it, Dr. McKay, that you are doing now?"

"Me? Oh, I'm just waiting for Beckett."

SGA

Dr. Elizabeth Weir watched anxiously from the back of the infirmary. The presence of the Ehrinians kept her from showing too much of her fear outward, but inside she was trembling like a frightened child.

The allergic reaction had been bad, but Carson appeared to have that situation under control. As for the rest? Well, she wouldn't know more until Beckett was done with his examinations, but it was clear that McKay had indeed been drugged.

It was also clear that none of the doctors aboard Atlantis had seen anything like the chemical that now poured through the man's veins. It had slowed his heart, decreased his blood pressure, and wreaked havoc with his other vitals. No one knew if he was in danger and no one knew how to help him. It wasn't the worst situation that the physicist had been in, but that didn't stop any of his team from worrying.

The Ehrinian guide had taken her own seat near McKay's body. Hours before she had fallen into some kind of a trance, no longer reacting to anyone that passed by her. Carson had muttered something about a psychic link that was only complicating matters.

The Ehrinian chief, on the other hand, was shuffling back and forth on his feet. Although she was furious with him for not revealing all the details, she was tempered by his obvious care for the situation. She would wait it out before dealing with him.

"Leave it to McKay to get out of this ritual with an allergic reaction." Sheppard was just as worried as the rest, and she knew that his humor was just a small way of easing the tension.

"Yes, well you know Rodney. Anything to preserve that fragile ego of his."

"Radek's going to be disappointed the ceremony won't continue. Ever since the children's planet he's been vying for a chance to get back at McKay. Word is he even got a petition signed from all the science staff demanding that they get to be in attendance."

"It would have been a good morale booster. But maybe this is best, who knows what such a ceremony could have done to Rodney's psyche."

"Cured it?"

"John." She cast him a warning glance although she chuckled inside. Rolling her shoulders to relieve some of the tension, she wondered how much longer they would be forced to wait.

"Sorry."

"It's not your fault you know. You handled the situation the same way anyone else would have. And McKay did agree to go along with it."

"Doesn't make it any less my responsibility." He was staring at the ground, avoiding her gaze.

"No, it doesn't. But don't beat yourself up over it either. We all got carried away with the idea of introducing McKay to karma, but we didn't let that stop us from doing our jobs correctly. You brought Carson, myself, and lots of back up. So all in all, you made the right call."

"Yeah, well, we'll see."

SGA

The two moons had not moved since his arrival. McKay had to have been here long enough for the sun to make its way across the horizon three or four times, but still it was night and the sky insisted that no time had gone by.

"You could wait forever in a place like this."

"Yes, well seeing as how I'm stuck within my own brain, I think I'll leave it for the voodoo doctors to save the day."

"Suit yourself."

The evening was calm all around him, but inside his brain continued to race. What if this wasn't a dream? What if he had to find his own way out? What if Beckett never came?

"You think too much, Dr. Rodney McKay."

"Really? And you would know this because?"

"You still don't know who I am?"

"I still don't know where I am."

"It bothers you."

"I thought we already established that fact."

He pushed himself away from the tree, wandering in circular paths. "I once was trapped at the bottom of the ocean for hours while my imminent death came closer. I thought that I had to save myself but in the end I just had to wait. Now I'm waiting."

"What makes you so sure that this is one of those situations?"

"And if it's not? It's not as if there are control crystals, or computers, or anything of use that would help me get out of this god forsaken nowhere."

"And yet you think that we are in your mind."

"Are we not?"

"_Come on Rodney, wake up, lad. I need you to open those eyes of yours."_

He came to a halt at the sound of the Scottish voice. "Carson?"

"He can't hear you."

"_We've upped his blood pressure medicine, but I still can't make heads or tails of any his readings. Let's just say it's going ta be a long night."_

"Hey! Can you hear me! I'm okay. I'm here! Just work your magic and I'll wake up."

"He can't fix you."

He turned on the spot, coming face to face with the stranger. "What do you mean by that."

"What good is a body to an ailing mind? Order, order, order. Sometimes there is no order."

And then it clicked. His face flushed and his body quivered as a distant memory made its way to the foreground. "Alma."

"It's amazing how what was always there must be remembered."

He paced back and forth as the new found memories flooded his mind. "I was on the Ehrinian home world. They made me take part in this ritual. Everyone thought it was so funny. Sheppard especially. He was flaunting that chicken at me. The bastard always has to have a sense of humor in the face of danger. It really pisses me off."

The aching in his head increased ten fold, and this time the pain was really there. He caught himself against the tree, desperately trying to hold on to the new knowledge. "You were in the tent with me. You..." His eyes grew wide as he turned to look at his visitor as if for the first time, "You drugged me."

"_We've run every test we can think of on the drug. It's the strangest stuff I've ever seen. She must have blown it directly at him, because there weren't any traces of it in the fire itself. I think it was meant to increase the psychic connection between them."_

"It is true. I brought you here."

"Why? I mean, what can you possibly gain from this? What do you want?"

Instinctively he moved away from her, but remained close enough to keep one hand on the trunk. "You want to pick my mind is that it? See how all of our technology works? Because I have enough people who want to do that without adding some psychotic elder to the list."

"Why did you insult Genio?"

"What?"

"You insulted my land and my people, Dr. Rodney McKay. You raised yourself above us, looking down upon the primitives as though they were soil on your feet."

"That's no reason to drug a man. You heard Carson, he has no clue what to do!"

Waves of dizziness threatened to consume him. His stomach turned and his face burned. "What's happening to me?"

"You will be fine."

"What are you doing to me?" His panic was evidenced by the large breaths he struggled to draw.

"There is no perfect order. You insult, you attack, you complain, all because you want things to work in a certain way in your own little world. But you know that there is no order. No justice."

She was towering over him now, but he could not focus on her face. The path and landmark faded to oblivion as he failed in his struggles. Everything swirled around his body which was now sprawled out on the grassy null.

Then the pain stopped, and everything became clear once more. The ground beneath him had changed, and he was sure the brick walls were new. The moon beamed between metal poles that blocked the only window.

Through the bars he could see the familiar tree that had come to haunt his dreams. Right next to it a wooden stage had appeared. A sign near the open, red curtain read: _The Life of Rodney McKay in One Act_.

A sound from behind brought his attention back to his dirty cell.. He was no longer alone. The old woman had found herself a theater like seat and was now patting the one next to her as if to say come and sit down. "I hear it is an excellent play. I'm so glad you could join me for it."

END CHAPTER FIVE


	6. A play in one act

I hope you enjoy this. We're nearing the finale. Thanks again to ang w for the beta.

Let me know what you think. This is an odd chapter so I don't know how it worked out.

**Chapter 6: On Stage**

_The tree began its familiar melody as two figures entered stage left. A young boy moved to a grand piano that McKay was certain had not been there moments before. The child effortlessly moved his fingers against each key, matching the notes of the invisible orchestra._

_The other figure was a carbon copy of Alma, hobbling to center stage with her cane pounding against each plank. "Once upon a time there was a boy genius named Rodney McKay. He loved music with all of his soul but a cruel woman ripped it away from him."_

_The boy scurried away from the piano, coming to rest against the trunk of a willow. He wept into his open palms._

"You were just attacking me and now we're watching a play. Why does none of this make any sense?"

He had made his distance away from her, refusing to take the offered seat. His hands trembled as he desperately tried to understand the situation, all while keeping a close eye on the stranger.

"I wasn't attacking you."

"Oh really? I'm pretty sure the..."

"You always panic. When you're in your mind, the emotion is made that more real."

The sounds of distant sobs grabbed his attention as the miniature version of himself wept. He had worked so hard to repress that memory, to keep at bay the way it made his stomach turn with humiliation and sorrow.

"Is there some reason that you are doing this?" He slumped down in the chair beside her, grabbing the arms so tightly that his knuckles were turning bright white.

"Why do you insult people? Does it make you feel better?" The guide did not move her eyes from the stage as she spoke. "Come, it's not everyday you get front row seats to a spectacle such as this."

_The narrator approached the sorrowful child, her voice low. "Now music was all that this young lad had, for it drowned out the angry voices of his acerbic parents. Where the tempos had once marked a perfect mathematical tune, he was now left in an order-less world. He brooded and brooded until he was one day presented with another plan."_

_A science lab appeared stage right and the miniature McKay was now placing chemicals within a number of beakers._

"How can you know all of this?"

"We're in your mind, remember."

"_He became a great scientist, above all the rest. He discovered that his genius could buy him happiness in the way of nice clothes, good food, and all the comforts he could ever want. With each success his already inflated ego grew and grew."_

_The boy exited and a new taller figure appeared, draped across an orange couch._

"_But even with all of this, he found himself lonely. One day a sweet cat followed him all the way to his house. He was hesitant to take it in at first, afraid that the animal would abandon him just as his dog had long ago. But he took a chance and welcomed the pet into his home."_

_A small cat let out a meow as it crawled unto the man's lap. The actors face lightened as it stroked the creature's ear._

His heart ached as he thought of the friend he had left behind. He missed the meows and the attentive ear. His cat loved his company and that made the creature the most special of all.

"_He found pleasure in petting its soft fur and feeding it every morning. He loved how it waited for him to come home each night. He looked forward to it curling by his legs as he slept."_

"Is there a point to this?"

"You tell me."

"_Even with science and an adorable companion, Rodney could not shake off the emptiness that filled his life."_

_New figures animated all around the stage. The actor playing McKay yelled at each of them, forcing each one to flee away._

"_Day after day he would listen to his coworkers talk about their crazy lives, and he would only demand that they shut up and get back to work. He would complain about the way the chairs felts; about the way people talked; and about the way everyone always needed him. He found comfort in his own tirades for they reminded the rest of the world where he belonged in the great hierarchy. He was a genius and for that alone he deserved the best."_

"_Then one day a new woman entered his life."_

_A blond figure took her place next to a full-grown version of McKay._

"This is absolutely ridiculous. I'm sitting here, watching my own mind put on a play about me. Kate would have a field day."

"You think too much."

"You already said that. I don't suppose you brought any popcorn?"

"_She was a soldier of great intellect. Where Rodney had always hid out in his lab, she had experienced much of life. She intimidated him with her mind. Where was he in the plan of life when Samantha Carter was smarter and braver? His cowardice, his lack of caring came back to haunt him as he made the wrong decisions and she made them right."_

"_Disgusted by him, she flung him off into a distant, cold world named Russia. But he was haunted greater by the life he almost destroyed, the one she had managed to save. So much for order to the universe."_

_An isolated blizzard blasted across the stage as piano, science lab, and cat all flew in circles around him. _

His frustrated face molded itself into one of terror. The blizzard just continued as the child and adult version of him were hidden behind the chaotic mass. He saw himself weeping, desperately tying to put all of the pieces back together.

It tore at him, to watch the scene before him. The whirl wind was filled with everything that had ever failed him. "This is insane. I don't have to watch this. I don't know who you are, or what you want, but I'm not playing anymore. You got that?"

His breathing was shallow. He came to his feet looking for some way to escape this new jail cell. But the dark walls surrounding his thoughts were nothing more than a prison of his mind.

"_He met her again, some time later. Despite his torment in Russia, his heart leapt at the sight of her. For once, he had an idea of what it was he was missing. But he had been cruel and mean to her for so long that she expected nothing less of him. He insulted her because he did not know how else to interact with others. She despised him, argued with him, but somehow saved the world with him."_

_The woman gently kissed the actor on the cheek, which was met with a sudden burst of music from the tree. An exaggerated smile filled the actor's face as he danced off the stage._

"_But his order had still been disrupted and there was no way to get it back. He went to Antarctica to work with new people, trying to find a new place by winning their friendships. His own ignorance of dealing with people failed him once again. He found himself giving insult after insult, flaunting his intelligence to anyone that would listen. Complaining was just another part of what he was, a gift inherited from his dear parents. Or was it a gift from himself?"_

"_Yet even as he found solace within his own ego, Rodney was beginning to change for the better. It was at this time that he left for Atlantis."_

He checked for the slightest cracks it the wall, for any evidence of an exit beyond the barred windows. "Have you ever heard of invasion of privacy, or are you too primitive to get that concept?"

"_At this great city, away from his precious cat, Rodney learned about friendship and courage on levels he had never known. But he also knew what it meant to have people die because of him, people he should have been able to save."_

_A new figure entered the stage, a tall, slender man dressed in renaissance clothes. "Hear ye, hear ye. Rodney McKay is here by tried for the death of the following men: Gaul, Abrams, Peterson,…"_

"STOP IT! I do not find this funny. I do not find this enlightening. I sure as hell don't want to share this with some freak straight out from a bad movie! Get out of my mind!"

"Such vehemence. Be quiet, the finale is nigh."

But McKay wasn't listening. He was wrestling with the bars, desperately trying to make whatever escape that he could.

_The herald continued to list names as the narrator exited the stage and approached the small audience. _

"_He was afraid in this new world, but he was also needed. He stayed because that was where all the order and disorder of the universe brought him. He remained callous at times, acerbic at others, all to hide the pain tumbling within his soul. So lost was he within his own genius that he often betrayed the new friendships he had forged.."_

"_Trust me." Came the actors call, as he pierced a Sheppard like figure in the heart. But it was the actor's chest that filled with blood._

"_He destroyed worlds for the benefit of his ego. He continued to insult the villages he visited. He lived each day among more turmoil than he could ever imagine, and it was slowly tearing him apart. But even in this he grew a heart such that he had never known before. He willingly risked his safety to save his friends and surrogate family."_

_The actor injected himself with some strange vile, falling to the floor._

"_And although he was often hailed as a hero, he found many instances where his efforts proved worthless."_

There was nothing he could do to escape. He fell against the bricks, burying his head within his palms.

"_But no one knew his pain, for he hid it well. His egotistical mask could hide his deepest feelings, even from his closest of his friends. And so his soul withered as much as it grew, contradicting everything that he had ever known. _

"_Never had he been so complete, and never had he been so torn. What justice, what order was there to this universe in which Rodney lived? There was none, and yet there was all."_

_The large red curtain moved to block the stage, as the actress Alma took her own flight. The last song he had ever played blasted from the tree, piano, and all the walls around him._

McKay did not stir as the finale came to a close. His swollen, red eyes glistened with the tears that rolled down his cheek. Anger filled him and he glared daggers at the stranger who had dared to enter his mind.

"You had no right to show me that. To witness that." He spat the words as he focused on willing the music into silence.

"One cannot heal his wounds without knowing what it is that ails him."

"I want out of here." He moved to his feet, brushing his face against his arm. "I want to wake up now."

"No one is stopping you."

END CHAPTER 6


	7. Breaking Free

Author's Note: I admit it freely. I lied. Instead of seven chapters, there will be eight. I decided this worked better broken up into two pieces. I hope you enjoy and don't mind too much. Chapter Eight should be up ASAP so you don't have to wait too long to read the ending.

**Thanks again for all the comments! Thanks to Ang w for the beta!**

**Chapter 7: Breaking Free**

The brick jail house had disappeared and once again Rodney McKay found himself under the inescapable tree, slouched against its trunk. His eyes were swollen red and his whole body shook with justifiable anger. Although he was naturally an emotional man, he was rarely so consumed by hate, fear, and humiliation that he could no longer think. But as he quivered below the branches, no coherent ideas came into his mind.

"I said I want to wake up." He passed a vicious glare to the intruder, which she returned with her icy, white eyes of impassivity.

"And I told you no one was stopping you."

"Then why am I still here? _You_ started this; _you_ end this."

His thoughts were trapped by all the images from that horrific play. The words of the herald echoing in his mind over and over again. All the loneliness and guilt that had ever phased him had come back to haunt him and now he was truly a prisoner of his own mind.

"I cannot. You still do not understand."

"I understand that I do not want to be here anymore. I understand that your people are sadistic bastards and I would rather face a thousand of Kolya's men then to ever have to deal with you again."

The elder woman hobbled her way next to his trembling body, settling herself on a nearby rock. "I am not your enemy. I have not controlled any of this. I am merely your guide on this journey; _you_ are the one who decides how it goes."

"So what? I'm a masochist? You're suggesting that I am doing this to myself?"

He pushed himself to his feet, anything to get away from her. His flesh burned, his anger made corporeal in a false reality.

"This is _your _dream. You are a man with many issues. You hide a lot of pain within yourself, surely you knew it would come back to haunt you eventually."

"You're the one that drugged me."

"And you're the one that created this world and that play. An entertaining if not instructive endeavor I might add."

"Tell me how to wake up."

"You're the genius; you figure it out."

His foot hit the bark in a head on-conflict, but McKay was sure the tree had won. He had never been the type to punch walls, but kicking wasn't much better. Limping his way around the valley, he searched for any clue on how to end the nightmare.

He would have expected his well-organized mind to have a control panel somewhere, or something that would tell him how to escape this god-forsaken hell, but after hours of searching he had still come up empty. Alma had fallen back into silence, which served to only further infuriate the scientist. She just watched him as though secretly laughing at his pitiful attempts.

"Enough of this. I don't know who you think you are. I am who I am, and I'm tired of being punished for it." His arms were in quick motion, animating his fast paced explanation.

"I insult one, one of your villagers, and you repay me by violating my innermost thoughts and forcing me to relive the worst moments of my life. Stop it. Tell me how to wake up now or I swear I will... do something and it will... really suck for you." Okay so the ending of that statement didn't come out so strong. Where was Ronon when you needed a good threat?

"Maybe you're not ready to leave."

"Trust me, I'm well past ready. Now short of finding some red slippers and clicking them three times, I don't see a way out of here. So drop this whole _the power is within you_ crap and wake me up."

He had seriously never been this angry in his entire life. He could feel the boiling bubbles of blood from within his veins, he ignored the small bits of blood dripping from his clenched fists. Alma remained silent throughout his tirade and he found himself forcibly turning her body so that his face was only inches away from her wrinkly one. "End this, _now_."

She smiled back at him, emanating the knowing grins that parents so often gave their mid-temper-tantrum children. It was that wise countenance that only came with age. Her calm voice threatened to soothe his nerves, but his hate for her was too great for that.

"You are not ready."

Releasing his hold on her, he moved back into a frenzied pace. "Carson! Do you hear me! Come on! Work your voodoo and wake me up! You're in charge of the medical miracles, so pull one already!" His voice settled down into a whimper as he fell back into the soil. "Please, end this."

"_It's okay Rodney. We're all here with you." _

The voice dawned across the landscape along with the sun that was slowly making its way up the horizon. "Elizabeth?" Rodney muttered. "Elizabeth, you gotta help me. I've been trapped by a psychotic woman out of a horror movie, and it's really freaking annoying. Do you hear me, Elizabeth? Is anyone there?"

"_I don't know what's going on in there, but she's right you know."_ Sheppard's words echoed in his mind, drowning the herald's voice into a soft whisper. _ "Teyla, Carson, Ronon, we're all here."_

He wiped the tears away with a few sweeps of his jacket, enjoying the warmth from the sunlight. How many days had he been trapped in this dark world? "Yes, yes, I realize you are all there standing over me. Wake me up already. Send me home."

"Ah, now you're starting to understand."

Whether it was time or something else, the fire of emotions that had earlier swelled within him were now quelled into a light storm.

"For all the disorder that surrounds you, for all the pain that you have endured, you have learned to live. That play was not just about hurt, it was about friendship and family. It was about hope."

He did not attempt to mask the bitterness in his voice, and he found comfort in his snark. "Touching, really. A bit sappy even. But I still don't appreciate it. Let me go home." He had given up on yelling, on dramatically raising his arms. He was the image of stillness, hunched against the firm trunk.

The sage began to speak, and Rodney half-listened while he tried to will himself awake. _There's no place like home. There's no place like home. _Well, it had worked for Dorothy anyways.

"Open your mind, Dr. McKay, to what your soul has to say, and then you can leave. Everything you have held inside yourself would serve to destroy you. You must share it with someone, once in a while. You must learn to embrace _everything_ that you are."

The sky was a beautiful blue and a small meow announced a new visitor to the illusion. Crawling on his lap, the cat gave him a look that demanded attention.

"_We are still here with you. We will not leave your side until you are through this."_

He smiled at the sound of Teyla's voice, coming back to focus on his guide who had began to talk once more.

"This ritual is about honor. What does it matter if you insult Genio, you are not of our culture. I see now it was wrong of us to force you into this, not knowing who you fully were. I am sorry for this."

_Yeah, well you better well should be. _"Then wake me up."

"But that does not mean that this time should be a waste; your own mind has shown that it does not wish it to be. Honor is about humility, about knowledge of oneself. You do not have to change and you cannot expect to heal overnight, but you must be made aware of that which plagues you. Your soul demands this. Your soul needs this. Hold on to those things that make you stronger, and embrace that which would haunt you. You do not have to hide from yourself."

Silence. What more was there for him to say? He caressed the creature in his lap, wishing that the loyal companion was more than a fantasy.

"When you agree to think about this, when you agree to consider all that has happened, only then will your mind allow you to wake."

"Ah, but you're missing the best part. You see, once I figure out how to turn the magical off switch, I'll never have to see you again. Now there is a fact that gives me great comfort."

"It would be better if you finished the ritual."

The laugh was unexpected but not unearned. He found himself overcome by hysterics as if it too were a way to let go. Frightened by his actions, the cat scurried off of his lap, escaping down the windy path. "You think after all of this, that I would willingly go through with the rest of this ceremony? You must be mad."

"You're mind was linked by the ash I placed in the fire. The link will not be severed until the rite is finished."

"What, what do you mean by that?" His voice quivered for he knew full well where this was going.

"That even when once you enter the real world, a shadow of me will be there to haunt all of your dreams. It has something to do with your own soul's inability to let go."

"What?" Filled with a burst of reanimation he came crashing back unto his feet. "How does that work?"

"The spiritual ways are not for us to question, just for us to know. How is it that I am in your mind in the first place? Science can't explain everything."

Scoff. "That's exactly what I'd expect a primitive to say, you know that? Why does everything have to be spiritual to you villagers?"

"_Alright Rodney, you've been out long enough, lad. Wake up already so I can get the rest of these folks to get some rest."_

"Again, we should never have put you through this exercise. Maybe one day you will forgive my people, forgive me. But for now, understanding it or not, you must finish the ritual or your mind will have no closure and I will be forced to remain here. And I don't think either of us want that. You're mind is too chaotic even for the wisest of my kind."

"You know, I'm really starting to have it with this year. Between Arcturus, having Cadman in my head, being trapped in a jumper, and now being imprisoned within my own demented mind, I am this close to snapping!"

"It is all about the joy that comes out of sorrow."

"Do I look like I'm having fun to you?"

"Are you ready to wake up now?"

"And spend the rest of my life seeing you in my nightmares?"

"If you don't go through with the ritual."

"_Rodney, you're my best scientist and a good friend. I know I don't say how much I appreciate you enough, but I just thought you should know. I know you are strong and you will make it through this, okay."_

One look at her foggy eyes and sagging wrinkles told McKay all he had to know. If there was even the slightest chance she was right, getting hundreds of perdon fruit thrown at him by his friends was by far the better option. And there was still the fact of that wonderful coffee... "Fine, you tell me how to wake up and then we can end this hell."

"Just latch on to the voices of your friends, they'll pull you through."

Drifting to the foreground, Ronon's curt voice sounded.

"_Elizabeth is pissed at the Ehrinians. That ancient woman has been in a trance for days now and Carson says none of your vitals have changed. Apparently we're supposed to talk to you or something. That chieftain said something about it helping you through the ritual. I don't see why we don't just throw them all in the brig and sort it out later."_

The sun was now shining bright at its peak height in the sky. A few leaves had made their way unto the previously barren branches, and the frightened cat had returned to sleep within the tree's shadow. McKay wasn't sure what to make of anything around him, he only knew that he was ready to stop dreaming and face reality. For all that he loathed Alma, her words kept ringing in his ear and he knew that one day her advice might come to mean something. _One day. _

It wasn't long after Ronon's voice had faded away that Sheppard's came as though over a world-wide loudspeaker. He concentrated on his friends, holding on to the fact that the last year was not filled with only pain, but also with happiness and a meaning deeper than he could ever have imagined. Tormented though he was by the images from the terrible play, from the painful truth that it carried, he was comforted by the surrogate family he had come to embrace.

"_You must be having some nightmare, Rodney. Either that or you're constipated. Listen, I think it's about time you woke up. I know you're just doing this to get out of the whole humiliation thing and steal all of our fun, but the truth is that you're staring to scare Elizabeth. Okay, you're starting to scare me, too. Just wake up already. I promise, I won't be angry at you for losing us coffee or anything either. I just need my teammate, my friend, back in working order. You getting any of this?"_

Most everything around him was chaotic and unnerving, but still there was some order to be had. He was distantly aware of the land starting to fade from his view as he continued to bury his head within his palms. It had been too long since he had allowed himself to cry like this. He latched onto his friend's every word as though it were his only safety net. But soon Sheppard's voice faded and was replaced by a quieter one.

"There ya go, lad. Welcome back." Carson Beckett showed little mercy as he waved the penlight in front of the scientist's eyes.

McKay scowled, but for once embraced the brightness as a saving grace. "I'm awake." He didn't mean to sound so surprised, but then again he really was. He had begun to fear that nothing could end that horrible dream.

He tried to sit up, but the physicians arms kept him down. "Easy Rodney, you've been through quite the ordeal. You need some rest."

The faces of the Atlantis crew, his dearest friends though he rarely let them know it, all surrounded his bed. Carson was running every test known to mankind while everyone else expressed relief at his return to consciousness.

His glance first fell upon John. For all Sheppard had teased him with the alien chicken and everything else, the soldier's face revealed the deep friendship that existed between them. His bedraggled hair and smelly uniform indicated that he had slept more than one night here. As he turned to take in the features of everyone else, he realized that they too must have spent many evenings at his side.

However, it was the movement to his side that caught most of Rodney's attention. Ever covered in her hideous wrinkles, and that knowing grin flashed upon her countenance, Alma was peering at him with her foggy eyes.

He didn't hesitate to state his latest resolve. "Rest, yes, well... How about after we finish this ritual?"

If he had had a camera, now would have been the time to take a picture. Sheppard's jaw had literally dropped, Elizabeth looked at him as though scared for his sanity, and Teyla was exchanging a confused glance with Ronon.

Weir composed herself first, casting a contemptuous look towards Chief Santa. "I don't think you need to worry about that anymore. No trade is worth putting you through this."

"No, no, I've given it a lot of thought. I need to do this."

"Why?" Sheppard had crossed his arms against his chest, leaning into a wall in his famous nonchalant pose.

The unnerving sensation of having his thoughts violated still haunted him. He wasn't ready to explain that to them, wasn't sure if he ever would be. There was only one answer he could offer without giving too much way. "Let's just say I'm doing it for the coffee."

END CHAPTER SEVEN


	8. Old Epilogue

**I switched endings but decided to keep the old one up for those that wanted to read it. Be sure to skip ahead to chapter nine if you just want one complete story. Below was the original version where there was more team bonding, but something was missing.**

**Old Epilogue: Return to Festivities**

Dr. Elizabeth Weir had her reservations about returning to the Ehrinian home world. Were it not for McKay's adamant insistence that he be allowed to complete the ceremony, she would have gladly turned her back and never thought about that land again. But Rodney's wishes were clear and she owed it to him to hear the scientist out. Whatever his reasons, she was sure it had little, if anything, to do with the coffee.

"What do they have over you?"

Where normally her acerbic friend would race with an explanation, he was now shied into silence. "Nothing. I don't know what you're talking about."

Well, they always knew he had been a bad liar.

"Fine, then I have no choice but to deny your request to return to the planet."

"You can't do that!"

"Yes, I can, Rodney. I don't know the finer details about what happened out there, but I undertand enough to realize that going back is not the brightest idea you've ever had."

She jumped on top of a nearby bed, taking in all of his features. Although days had past since he had first awoken in the infirmary, his eyes were still outlined in dark circles and his face was pale. Carson had confirmed that McKay was doing everything possible to avoid resting, and when finally forced into unconsciousness, he suffered from terrible dreams.

She could see he was searching for the right words to convince her, so she decided to head him off at the pass. "They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I do think they meant well, but the fact is that they nearly killed you. How do I know that you won't get further hurt by going through with the rest of this?"

"I guess we don't know that, but it's better than the alternative."

"And what alternative is that exactly? What aren't you telling me?"

In a desperate move to cover his tracks, McKay dived head first into a fast-paced plea. "Why can't you just accept that I want to do this? It should be _my_ decision. The Ehrinians have ensured me that I can be my wonderful self during the rest of this ceremony. They're even willing to just let me skip to the final stage, something about having been humbled enough. The fact is, they don't want to force their culture anymore on us than they have to. That alone is a show of good faith, is it not?"

"It's not their motives that bother me, Rodney, it's the little things they keep neglecting to mention."

"Listen, I'm willing to go through with this, they're willing to let me, and Altantis is dying for a morale booster. That should be reason enough for you to allow it."

There was a new hurricane of emotions that had filled McKay's bright blue eyes over the last few days. She looked into the dark pupils as though they were mirrors into his soul, and what she saw scared her. Say whatever he might, she knew him well enough to know that he feared, and maybe even loathed, the Ehrinians. But how could she keep him back from something he was so desperate to seek out?

"John won't be happy. He'll probably insist on bringing a small army. I still want to limit how many people can take part."

"So that's a yes."

"It is against my better judgment, but I'm willing to respect your wishes."

SGA

Colonel John Sheppard had brought every marine he could spare back to the Ehrinian home world. If Rodney so much as got scraped, these people would pay.

"So you're doing this for the coffee, huh?" He turned to his friend with a glance that said _You're so full of it._ Rodney, for his part, had gotten the message, but his bad poker face failed to give the soldier anymore information.

"Let's just get this over with, shall we?"

"Zelenka and Cadman have already started a line."

McKay scoffed. He muttered something under his breath about sadistic bastards before heading in the opposite direction.

"Have fun!" Sheppard smiled, digging into a meat leg. Numerous people danced around him to the rhythms of the unique Ehrinian band. The bright sun was shinning in the sky, and even with the tension in the air, Sheppard felt more relaxed than he had in a long time.

"I don't suppose their selling CD's." He motioned toward the instrumentalists as Ammenda sat on a nearby rock.

"I am unaware of that instrument."

"Didn't think so."

The conversation slipped into an awkward silence, which was just fine with the soldier. Festival or not, Sheppard hadn't forgotten what these people had done to his teammate and friend. It would take a while for the anger to subside.

It was the jolly fellow that broke through the quiet. "You haven't had any of our fine wine, Colonel Sheppard."

"Yeah. It's best I remain sober at this point. So when does the fun part begin?"

"Dr. McKay is quite insistent that we get this over with as quickly as possible. I believe they are getting ready to start right now."

On cue, the science leader exited a crimson red tent with a mixed look of determination and condemnation. Cadman was the first to cheer his arrival and was quickly joined by the growing queue behind them. Two children shuffled McKay to a few wooden planks, motioning for him to take a seat. McKay was giving his best snide smile that told all of his underlings _You will pay later._ Not willing to back down, Zelenka was tossing one of the perdons in the air with a taunting grin.

"Do you not plan to take part in this festivity?"

"Oh, I'll take a few shots."

He watched as the two kids joined the back of the line. Just ahead of them, Elizabeth and Ronon had found their way to Teyla who allowed them to cut in front of her.

"If you'll excuse me." Discarding his plate, he joined his friends and teammates.

"Let's all hear it for Radek Zelenka folks, the worst pitcher in all of Pegasus!" A smile had grown across Rodney's features as he mocked his fellow scientist. It was true that the Czech's fruit had come nowhere near McKay, splattering against a tree over three feet away from the acerbic man.

"Don't worry, Rodney, I'll make this one count for both of us." Sure enough, Cadman's perdon hit right on the mark. McKay's face shined bright blue as he spit out remnants of the fruit. What surprised John the most, was that his friend sat right back on the planks with a large grin stretched across his features. A free license to insult everyone and anyone around him, yup, leave it to McKay to _enjoy_ the experience.

"Tap dancer and a great pitcher. Is there nothing the great Lt. Cadman cannot do? You all won't be able to beat that so you might as well not try."

"You're not getting out of it that easy, lad." Beckett had taken his place at the plate. His countenance was controted in deep concentration as he slung the fruit.

"I'm sorry the little league is playing at the other festival." The disgruntled doctor gave his best glare as he walked away, his hand locked with Cadman's. His throw had nearly taken out a few nearby villagers but hadn't posed any danger to his actual target.

As the line continued to move forward, Sheppard took the opportunity to survey the Ehrinian's expressions. At first they looked at a complete loss on how to deal with the insults coming from the celebrant, but eventually they were more willing to kick back and relax. He was reminded of the old renaissance festivals he used to attend where rotten tomato throwing was the event of choice.

"And here we have the great and powerful ruler of Atlantis. Ten bucks she gives Radek a run for his money on worst throw ever."

It had been a long time since he had seen his friend so enthused. Despite the pale complexion, McKay looked positively joyful on the stage. So much for humiliation. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

Weir's toss was a decent attempt made accurate only through McKay's quick dive into the heart of the object. Already the man was covered in so much blue juice that he could be mistaken for a giant blueberry, and his mock facial expression was nothing short of a Kodak moment.

Rodney didn't have to dive for Teyla's toss which closely rivaled Cadman's.

"Ah, Tarzan has come to play. Go on then, take your best shot."

Ronon's throw nearly knocked the poor Canadian right out of his seat. To his credit, he got right back on the saddle, ready to insult the next passerby.

"Ah, Colonel. You realize if you miss this that I'll never let you live it down."

"I won't miss, trust me." Well, the fruit ended up hitting his left shoulder so it wasn't the best shot, but it wasn't the worst either.

"That's your best try? Do the words absolutely pitiful mean anything to you?"

So what if he already had his turn, he moved to pelt McKay once more and this time hit the scientist square between the eyes.

The line showed little signs of receding until the sun found its way to the other side of the horizon. Weir insisted that they all go home soon, and it was a pair of Ehrinian children that were given the last shots. McKay was kind and dived for the girls but mocked the poor boys bad aim mercilessly until the child ran away in tears. Not phased by the kid's reaction, the scientist shrugged his shoulders and stepped off the plank.

"And that's a rap folks."

"You know it's not nice to make the kids cry, McKay." Sheppard had reached down into one of the barrels pulling out three fruits and throwing each one in turn. The blueberry managed to scurry away and all three perdons landed on the ground beside him.

Laughing, Sheppard turned to make his way back to the gate only to feel something smash against the back of his forehead. He didn't have to turn around to know who had thrown it.

"Nice shot. Now if only you could shoot that good I wouldn't have to save your sorry ass all the time."

He had already reached down into another barrel for some more perdons, but was surprised when one splattered against his opposite side. It seemed Ronon had decided to join in the secondary entertainment.

It was late night when the marines and festival goers finally made their way back through the gate. Covered though they were in blue juices, no one seemed anxious to return to their quarters. Cadman opened the first bottle of Ehrinian wine and within a few hours everyone was either buzzed or pissed.

"I'm glad Rodney made us go back," Elizabeth confessed as she took another sip. Her face was beet red and Sheppard knew that she would be feeling the affects tomorrow.

"Yeah, I don't know what they got over him, but at least he had some fun with it."

It did feel nice to wind down and Sheppard couldn't help but think that Rodney had given them a present far greater than any coffee. No one had known how tense they were until they were finally able to let go for a while. It was going to be a long and joyous night. He laughed a little as he realized it was just a few days late for Mardi Gras back on Earth.

"And everyone is back no worse for wear, and maybe even a bit better. That doesn't happen too often." Carson Beckett had joined the conversation looking just as flush as the expedition leader. Cadman was attached to his arm and she was more than a bit giggly. "We should require celebrations like this more often. We have a lot to face and God knows it ain't the easiest thing living here. I haven't seen the folks here this happy in ages."

"Yeah, no kidding."

So this is what it felt like to relax? He seriously needed to do this more often. He took another sip of the intoxicating liquid just as an overwhelming feeling that something was missing began to nag at his brain. It only took a second for him to realize what it was. "Where's McKay?"

SGA

Everyone was joyous around him, but for Rodney McKay the euphoria of the moment was beginning to wear down. He was surprised by how fun the ritual had been, even more surprised that he had gone along with it so readily and with such energy. Maybe it was the full license to snark at his leisure, or maybe it was just the need to relax, but whatever it was, he had found his element, if only for a moment. But as he slouched unto his bed, all traces of his smile disappeared.

He could still hear all the sounds from the last week. The herald, Alma, his friends, everything that anyone had said to him was just one massive jumble within his brain. His muscles were as a ton of bricks, but he forced himself back unto his feet. The dark blue liquid fell gently in the square tumbler.

"To never seeing Alma again."

He raised the glass and swallowed it down in one large swig. He continued mumbling as he rummaged through a few drawers. Eventually he pulled out the one CD he had brought with him from Earth. A few seconds later, it was loaded into his laptop.

The music swept him back momentarily to the mysterious tree and the frightful play. It continued to pierce through his thoughts, making its way into the core of his memories, into the core of his soul. He felt the alcohol pass down his throat as he listened carefully to the last song he had ever played. His eyes closed as he curled against the bed sheets. A few tears swept down his cheek.

He wasn't sure what he felt. He wasn't sure why he was. As he strived for understanding, he just kept concentrating on the music. The tumultuous tune seemed to say everything his heart couldn't put into words. It was a lifetime of joy and sorrow all in the melody of a single piece.

_END OF **THE OLD EPILOGUE**_

**Click to the next chapter button to see the real epilogue.**


	9. Epilogue

Second time is a charm; I hope.

So here we go, take two. Okay, I screwed up the ending before. I think this works better. What do you think? As always, thanks for the reviews! Thanks to ang w for all the help with the story.

**Epilogue: Joy and Sorrow**

"You are young and your bitter recollections will have time to turn themselves into sweet remembrances."

-Alexandre Dumas, The Three Musketeers

He was free from the nightmare but not the memories. Despite his demands to return to the planet immediately, Carson had insisted on keeping McKay in the infirmary for a while longer. Apparently one week in a coma didn't constitute sleep in the physician's eyes.

The problem was that dreaming was the last thing the scientist needed right now. As he lay against the pristine white sheets, his head deeply embedded within the soft pillow, he would begin to drift back to the cursed landscape. Sure enough, that horrid woman was there waiting.

To her credit, Alma didn't try to say anything. There was a silent agreement between the two of them that they were long past any discussions. The cacophony of emotions he had towards her just made everything that much harder to deal with. All he wanted was to get this sage out of his head, but no one was willing to let him.

When he first woke up, Rodney had made his wishes clear. He was willing to finish the ceremony if only to offer Atlantis the finest coffee in the universe. No one seemed to buy that cover story, and Weir wasn't anxious to let him go back without knowing the real reason. There was only one solution that he could see, and although he was reluctant to take it, Alma's disturbing presence gave him little to no choice.

So it was on the second day of his stay, after awakening back in the world, that he called to Carson. His friend had been hovering nearby, working on some strange piece of equipment they had just found, but McKay suspected the Scott had just been trying to keep him company while everyone else was off at a meeting.

"Everything alright, Rodney?"

"Yes, well, um, yes. Unless you count being trapped here that is. Anyways, I need you to do me a favor." He shifted uncomfortably against the hospital bed, which was raising him into a seated position. His fingers tapped against the blanket as he spoke and his voice quivered ever so slightly.

"I'll do my best, short of releasing you that is."

"Yes, well, since you narcissistic doctors insist on holding me captive, I'm afraid I have no choice but to ask you to um…" He cleared his throat and summoned all of his will power to get the next words out. "Well, I need you to have Kate sent up here."

"Dr. Heightmeyer?" The Scott lifted himself unto a nearby bed, examining his friend closely. "Aye, I can giver her a page. Anything particular on your mind, lad? You do have friends here, you know, if you want to talk…"

"Just get Kate up here as soon as you can, Carson."

He hated having to ask. As if things hadn't been humiliating enough. Still, his resolve was strong and the sooner he could get this ridiculous ritual out of the way, the sooner he could crawl into bed and forget any of this ever happened.

SGA

"You think I should let him go back?" Dr. Elizabeth Weir wasn't sure what to make of the whole situation. When McKay had finally awakened, the last thing she expected was for him to _want_ to return to the Ehrinian home world. Yet that was the first thing he mentioned.

The cheery chieftain and creepy sage had long since left Atlantis, earning a free trip through the gate the second their victim regained consciousness. She felt a mixture of emotion in watching them go. They did have excellent food, and they were a kind people, but she was still infuriated at what they had made Rodney gone through. As if the last year hadn't been bad enough for him.

"He wants to return and I think we should respect his wishes. As a psychologist, I'm telling you that he needs to do this."

"The simple fact he talked to you about everything tells me that. What I don't understand is why?"

"He has asked that I keep our conversation confidential. In truth, he knew I was the only one he could tell that could keep it confidential and still hold sway over the decision. All I can say is that you have to let him finish the rite."

Elizabeth rotated her fingers around her temple. Decisions, decisions. What she wouldn't give for one day free of the troublesome burdens.

"I don't like this. The Ehrinians really do seem like a good people but they have a tendency to neglect mentioning key details. How can I send McKay back there knowing that they may inadvertently cause him more suffering?"

The blonde therapist looked upon the expedition leader as though she were the patient right now. She smiled and spoke softly. "If you allow him to return it will be because he has requested you to do so. He is willing to take on the responsibility, you just have to let him."

"The last time I agreed to one of his ideas that went against my better judgment he destroyed 5/6 of a solar system."

"Okay, then. Listen to me when I tell you that as his therapist I worry for what will happen if you do not let him return."

SGA

John Sheppard brought a small army back to the Ehrinian festival. If anyone was to hurt his favorite scientist, he would personally see to it that their asses were kicked sufficiently. It would take more than fine wine and coffee to make him forget what they had done to McKay, and it would take more than time for the anger to subside.

"You want to tell me why he's doing this again. Why you're letting him?" He was chomping down on one of the mysterious meat legs as he examined the expedition leader.

"I'm really not sure, John. I don't think I had much of a choice."

"Sometimes I have to save McKay from himself. You told me that once."

"I know, John."

She turned toward the long queue of people that had filled with scientists all eagerly awaiting the chance to pelt their fearsome leader with the perdons. John had already gotten his throw, and shared a few quips with the scientist in the process. Apparently, Rodney had decided to make the best of the situation and took it as a free license to snark at anyone that dared to take a shot. The Ehrinians were clearly uncomfortable at his attitude, but were suddenly reluctant to call him on it.

"Blue fruit was an interesting choice. He looks like a giant blueberry." Elizabeth was taking a swig of water, having ordered that none of her people drink the wine until they were back in the safe confines of Atlantis. Her face was burdened with worry, but as she watched McKay insult each attacker, _Let's hear it for Radek, worst pitcher in all of Pegasus_, Sheppard could see she was finally beginning to relax.

How long had it been since anyone on Atlantis had seized the opportunity to rest and wind down. Between the wraith, bombs, and everything else, a tension had begun to consume them without their knowledge. But as the military leader gazed upon the smiling scientists and marines, he couldn't help but feel that McKay had given them a far greater gift than coffee.

The sun had made its way across the horizon before the soldiers and festival goers began their way back to the gate. John was halfway down the path when something smashed against his head. He didn't have to turn around to know McKay was having his own bit of revenge.

"Nice one. Now if only you could aim that well when shooting, I wouldn't have to save your ass all the time."

Well, that started it. Ronon was the next one to join in the game, pelting Teyla square in the chest.

Thus it was a large crowd of soaked blueberries that stood in the gateroom nearly one hour later. The marines on duty were hard pressed to keep back their laughs, and before anyone knew it, the festival was continuing Atlantis style.

"You gonna be okay?" Among all the laughs and cheers, Sheppard had found his way to the one man that was no longer smiling.

McKay stopped feet away from the exit, and turned around with a pathetic poker face and a mile-a-minute speech. "I'm fine. Why would you ask that? I'm just glad everything is well… We all made it back no worse for wear and that is no small feat. So yeah, I'm good. I just need to go to my quarters to, uh, just relax. And um…"

"You want to talk about it?"

"No, not really. I mean, I'm fine. Go enjoy yourself, Colonel. I think I'm going to just go to bed."

The team leader learned long ago that if McKay wasn't complaining about something, then there _was_ a problem. Examining his friend closely, he knew couldn't leave the guy alone to dwell.

"I'm actually on my way out. Let's walk."

McKay's countenance revealed just how much he hated that idea, but he managed a fake smile and replied, "Sure, whatever. Just don't expect me to talk much or anything. I'm just leaving because I need a shower, there isn't anything wrong."

"Sure, you just did it all for the coffee, right?"

They did walk in silence most of the way, but just as they approached the scientist's quarters, McKay turned around. "Do you ever have nightmares?"

It wasn't the type of question that the acerbic genius wanted an answer to, so Sheppard didn't bother providing one.

"All of my life, I've tried to have order and understanding. If things around me don't make sense, then I have to make them have meaning. I don't know. There's so much disorder here, sometimes it's enough to just drive me absolutely mad."

The door swished open and Sheppard followed McKay inside. It was an understood invitation and he wasn't going to turn it down.

"Either way, I just was thinking back to every decision I've ever made, everything that I am. After Arcturus, you stopped trusting me. Elizabeth started second guessing me. And I've made a hell of a lot more mistakes than that since. Sometimes I wonder what the entire point of all of this is."

"We all do. Hell, you're human, McKay. We all screw up one way or another."

"Yes, well, I just don't know how much I can handle. Yes, I'm brilliant. Yes, I'm amazing when it comes to pulling the last second stunt that saves us all. And let's face it, I brighten life around here."

Sheppard had to keep himself from laughing. Even in despair the scientist hid behind his ego.

"But I look back on everything and all I see is a world of pain and sorrow. Then I look back again, and I see hope and friendship. What kind of cacophony is that? It sure as hell doesn't make much sense, does it?"

"No, not really."

The perdon wine splashed against the rims of the tumblers. The scientist's hand shook as he handed one to John and then quickly swigged the other one down. It was strange, the man before him was one of the largest enigma's the soldier knew. Sometimes he did everything to hold back all his emotions, hiding behind a mask of snide. Other times the geek shared the most random facts about his past.

The fact was, McKay rarely talked about deep emotions, and neither did Sheppard. When they did, that meant something was up. So whatever his friend was going through, he was really hurting.

McKay's arms lifted in a variety of gestures as he spoke. Excited, anxious, or angry, his hands often said more than his fast-paced tirades.

"They had no right to judge me, to try and change me. As if they have any clue who I am. I don't know. I'm so tired of everything being so screwed up. I'm not a bad guy. I may not be the easiest to get along with, but…"

"C'mon McKay, you know better than to listen to those people. Yeah, you're petty and arrogant, but the fact is that you've risked your neck time and time again for others. In my book, that makes you alright."

"Then why does it feel like I'm trapped?" He slammed the glass down with such vehemence that Sheppard nearly jumped back.

"What the hell did they do to you, McKay? I'll set those bastards straight if you want."

"No, no." McKay slumped down unto his bed, staining the blankets with perdon juice. "I just need to think. No, I need to not think. I don't know what I need." He buried his head into his hands and Sheppard could sense the man's exhaustion.

"How about rest?"

"As long as I don't dream."

"Listen, I know it's hard right now and I can't even begin to understand what happened to you; but you know that Teyla, Ronon, Elizabeth, and even Carson and Radek, we're here for you. We'll tease ya, sure. And I'm not saying you don't get on our nerves every now and then, but the fact is that you are our friend and we'll be here to make sure you're okay. Just don't forget that, and you'll be good."

"Yes, well, thanks. Now, if you'll excuse me. I think it's high time I got this stuff of me."

"I don't know. You're a walking Kodak moment right now. Maybe we should get Zelenka to take a picture first. You can be the resident blueberry."

SGA

After John had finally left, and McKay was cleansed of the perdon juice, the scientist was free to close his eyes and imagine the world as it should be.

He hadn't told John how much he appreciated their friendship, but the fact was that he wouldn't trade anything to give it up. Everyone here, even if he never showed it, had given him a reason to keep going. He had spent so much of his life caring for himself; it was amazing that he only really learned to live when he began helping others.

He hadn't shared any details with his team leader, but it had helped to talk to someone about the mixture of emotions running through him. In truth, he felt ashamed. Alma had intruded into his mind and he loathed her for it. He felt violated, humiliated, and confused. Even if he wanted to, he wasn't sure he could explain any of this to his friends.

He could still hear all the sounds from the last week. The herald, Alma, his teammates, everything that anyone had said to him was just one massive jumble within his brain. His muscles were as a ton of bricks, but he forced himself back unto his feet. The dark blue liquid fell gently in the square tumbler.

"To never seeing Alma again."

He raised his glass and swallowed the entire intoxicating beverage in one large swig.

Falling back unto the sheets, his thoughts roamed back to his surrogate family. That John had just reached out to him, had worried about him, well, that meant everything to a geek such as himself. He was also touched that of all his friends had offered comfort to save him from that horrid nightmare. Thanks to them, he was safe again. Thanks to them, he was not alone.

He wasn't sure what to feel and he wasn't even sure who he was. He didn't know why he was. But thanks to the help of his teammates, he knew he was going to be okay

He jumped to his feet in an instant and began rummaging through a nearby drawer. "Come on, where is it? I specifically remember packing… Ah, there you are!" He pulled out a CD, which he quickly loaded into a nearby laptop. A beautiful orchestra emanated from the speakers as McKay crashed back onto his comforter.

The music swept him back momentarily to the mysterious tree and the frightful play. It continued to pierce through his thoughts, making its way into the core of his memories, into the core of his soul. His eyes closed as he curled against the bed sheets.

As the last song he had ever played filled his being, the tears began to fall gently down his cheek. He was going to be okay, but that didn't make it any easier. The tumultuous tune said everything his heart couldn't put into words. So he tried to clear out all of the confusion as he let the music consume him.

The song was still beautiful even with all of the hurt it carried in his heart. It was a lifetime of sorrow and joy all in the melody of a single piece.

THE END

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this little concoction. If so, please take the time to let me know.


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